I've been dating the girl for 2 years. (Senior year of high school and just finished Freshman year of college). We dated in the earlier years of high school too, but I admit I was too immature back then.
Anyways...
First month started out great. Then she started lying to me.....a lot. I kept giving her chance after chance after chance...horrible mistake. She took advantage of that. She would lie to me, and cover it up so good that she would make ME FEEL BAD for questioning her. She thrives off of drama. She snoops around my email accounts and laptop trying to find pics of girls and porn. Every guy watches porn. If he doesn't, he's either lying or he's gay. All my friends say I need to leave her, I'm too young for this much stress and drama. But it's NOT THAT EASY. I love this girl more than any girl that i've ever dated. She is my FIRST serious relationship/love.
WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!?
What do I do when my relationship is going to shit, but deeply love the girl?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by INeedHELP
- Topics:
- school, college, high, girl, love, girlfriend, year, dating, senior, relationship, problem, finished, shit
Answers (68)
First of all, you can't possibly trust her if she's going through your stuff. Trusting your partner is a serious thing in any relationship. Without trust and honesty, you have nothing. As far as her making u feel bad for questioning her, she is being immature and I definatly think you need to take a second look at the relationship. Do you think it is worth the stuff that you go through? Maybe ur friends know whats best for you.. U could tell her to change or it is done. Give her an ultamatum= Change and help make the relationship stronger, or i'm gone..
took psycology in highschool, which for anyone who doesnt know is the study of the human mind and how people think, and or react and why. Um, pretty much i asked alot of questions when i was younger, got good answers from whoever and whatever. I learned things at a young age because i was willing and wanted to grow up being wise so that i could be a good mother and wife.. LOL... I am 26, but sometimes i feel 56... i am very mature for my age, and I owe it to a wonderful upbringing and great parents.
wow...
thats good.. i want you to be the mother of my future children.. LOL
Thats good Butterfly! You sound like a strong young woman Keep doing what you do Mama I'm 28 and feel just like you but not 56 maybe round 40 or sooo lol Take Care. I hope this guy figures out what to do with this girl or Lets her go But all the best to all ya : )
if u really love her deeply then don't leave her jst bcos she's doing such silly things. she's ignorant of ur deep feelings for her and also she is the victim of some bad notions about boys.she must b thinking that u'll decieve her.so first of all try to show her ur deep feelings and by ur deeds try to assure her that u'll not decieve her.when gradually she'll come to know that u'r sincere to her she'll definitely stop doing such silly things that make u think wrong.and stop discussing to ur friends about her or her deeds cos sometimes friends can't understand ur relation.leaving her is not a solution if u really have deep feelings for her.
to b honest with u, u need to just let her go. She is just an immature b**** she just doesnt realize what she has. u need to give her a lesson many people learn from their mistakes. She wont realize that she had a goood thing until its not there no more. Also u need to stop being the way u are because like that girls tempt to take advantage of the guys. I thinkn that the guys at times need to b a little stronger than the girl. Hun she is not the only girl in this world u are young and have the chance to find some one that will care for you and respect you and most of all LOVE YOU!!!! I think shes just full of u know what... i think she dont love you evethou she might say she does but maybe shes just use to be with u that she cant find a way to say byebye! Stop waisting ur time with her shes not worth it if she has lied to u many times what makes u think she hasnt cheated on u. Thats y she keeps doing it cause she knows u will forgive her. I say u call cheaters or follow her one day so u can see what shes up to.... GOOD LUCK N STOP WAISTING UR TIME !!!!
If the lies start from the start how can you trust? She started wrong and instead of improving she's looking thru his stuff, sounds to me like shes trying to find somethin on you so that the role turns around and you become the bad one. Pat's funny saying send cheaters but it ain't a bad idea lol
There's a girl in my class that is full of drama but you just get used to who they are but you can help them and trust me I know all about it
you have to remember that their are alot of girls out in the world and i can promise you that their is a girl that fits you living needs and your loving need because if you are looking at porn than this girl isn't fitting you sex needs, yea she was you first but you have to remember that not everyones first love is the best love,if she is stressing you than thats another reason why you should leave her. she should be the person who helps you with stressfullness and in life peoples main goals are to have the least ammount of stress in their lives and so should you.
i dont even know her or you and i already told you plenty enough reasons why you should leave her its blind love:(
good luck:)
how u have explained ur gf is like a girl ino and she is a dirty b*stared and s*ags all my mates frends and my mate still stays with her when ppl tell him they have done stuff dont let love destroy ur life like wat 1 of the other comenter says it might hurt u but ull be well better of with some1 that loves u trust me hope u get a new gf that cares 4 ya
My dear rishita has spoken vry matured and if u must grow stick to what he told u.remember! Married couples do have problem once in a while dn't 4get dat! Bt dat does nt give them d yastic to break up or divorce.Lastly stop telin ur friends about ur relationship cos they dn't knw anytin about ur girl,it's u dat wears d shoe and knws were it hurts u ok! Be wise my dear......
almost the same situation with me i am only 16 but my bf did the same he always was like omg you are gonna cheat on me we dated for 2 years but broke up 5 times for lying (on his part) we are still brokenn up and it turns out that he actually was the one who shouldve been questioned because he was using the "overprotective/ concerned" to cover up him flirting and sleeping with other ppl maybe you should look into what is going on withh her that you dont know not saying she is doing anything but she maybe trying to cover her own tracks just an idea plus no one deserves to put up with ppl that arenot right for them... i hope this made sense, it was hard to put into words
I wonder how she reacts when the lies finally come out. I also don't know if she is a good listener.
I don't deny that you need your friends at these times. But make sure that you have your own reasons for any decision you make.
If you can make her listen, and if she will not evade the subject, I suggest you talk to her. Make her know how important honesty is for you. If she cannot be convinced to change her attitude towards honesty, there are two options. Either you change your view of honesty. Which would mean that you will have a rather loose belief about what honesty is, so that some lies, just don't seem to matter. Or you can connect her, the person to her dishonesty and have the thought in the surface of your mind always...that she lies. We aren't usually as picky about our friends as we are about our lovers. We tend to get along with a lot of people with deficiencies or differences. "he's dumb, but he's a good friend"-which means you wouldn't look for advice from him, but you know that he will be there for you, if you are in trouble. Like that, you can still love her, be in the relationship, but when she lies, you can always keep it light, n never put too much weight on the 'facts' that she tells you. It will be easier to keep the relationship strong enough, if there are only certain topics about which she is likely to lie and you know them. Anyway, either of these will happen in due course, even if you do nothing on purpose.
Now about pictures and porns. Again, talk. You don't have to make a secret of it. If you find a hot girl on a night out, make a light comment abt her to your gf. When you watch telly, again, you can make a "whoa!!" or something like that, which comes naturally enough, but doesn't reek of lust. Give her the freedom to do the same. Let her look at a handsome guy. But make sure you guys do it together. Either compliment or you can play the jealous boyfriend, but only as a joke. This might even help with her lying. When she finds that you wouldn't make a great deal out of light things, she will not hide them from you. Also, she is likely to stay away from doing things that she wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with you.
some people learn to lie because people whose approval they crave mark them down as bad for even the smallest mistakes. So as a girl if she broke a vase and told her parents about it, and they yelled at her and told her she was a bad girl, it is likely that, she would hide the fact that she broke the vase or blame it on the cat, if it ever happens again. But if the parents told her that, we know that you didn't do it on purpose, because you are a good girl. But you have to be more careful around breakable things. It is likely that she will enjoy being honest as she was called a "good girl" last time she told the truth.
It might just be that your girlfriend has been lacking in gettin that approval in the past. You can change that.
Having said that, it is worth all the trouble only if both of you love each other, and definitely only if you love her deeply. But it is my feeling that if you make an effort, you won't regret it, as you will always know that you did the best you could.
I just wanted to say thanks to each and every one of you who took the time to help me with this issue. For those of you who are still interested, we ended up breaking up at the beginning of December 2010 (1 month after our 2-year anniversary). Didn't throughout December, and she ended up dating ANOTHER guy from January up until last week. She actually broke up with him, "for me"....But needless to say, her and I parted ways (again) very quick. I have learned that although I once thought we were "meant to be"...we are in fact, not. I've learned a lot of the last couple years...even though her and I DIDN"T work out. Once again, all of your comments truly do mean a lot...It's awesome that strangers are willing to put in valuable/adequate answers to my problem.
My friend u dont manage relationship or else u will blame urself at the end of the day. Both of u must be in love not one sided love u are playing. Why dont u sit her down and talk it over. If u will be able to make it to the level of Family. Dont play with future regret.
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You are right on the money, do you have a back ground in human behavior, very impressive insight.