I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and we have had a lot of problems in the last year, due to her only having part time work and us both living with our parents. Last summer I even found out she had set up a profile on a dating website, but she said it was because we were so stressed out and unhappy but that nothing happened and she was only on there for a weekend. Anyway, a few months ago she got a really good job and we have moved in together and everything has been much better. However, the other day when I was sorting things I came across a couple of her diaries from years ago when she was in a 7 year relationship with someone, but the diaries were full of her talking about fancying other girls and wanting to get with them. I felt really shocked that she was in a relationship and talking this way about so many other girls and it made me really worried. Also, there was something about her fancying her now best friend who is straight, which really shocked me as well as they're really close and txt each other all the time. I know they're just friends but a part of me wonders whether if this girl was gay, would they be together? I know it was wrong of me to read the diaries but the last year has left me feeling insecure and what I read has made me feel worse. I spoke to my girlfriend about it and she said that when she was in a relationship with this other girl, she was young and she wasn't completely happy and that's why she wanted to sleep with other girls. She said that when she met me her life changed and what we have is completely different and she knows that I am the one. But she did go on a dating website last summer so she has obviously thought about cheating on me too?? Right now, I am concerned about the two matters - is she going to cheat on me like she did with her ex? And does she still have feelings for her best friend? Any advise would be very much appreciated as I really want to get things back on track but just feel shocked by what I have seen.
Answers (1)
Tamsinh,
People change. People change everyday. I am no relationship expert but I can answer your question based on past experiences. I am a straight male and my girlfriend (of 5 years) is really good friends with her first love! I don't mind because I know him, I trust her, and I trust him. She also has a shoe box that contains all of her "memories" of past relationships and people that were important to her life. My best recommendation would be DO NOT DWELL ON IT! Your #1 enemy in life is your own thoughts. The best thing to do is battle them. When your mind tells you "shes gonna cheat on you" ask yourself, why would she cheat on me? If I found out she did, she knows I would so and so... Break it down and try to understand why you are thinking these things. Also, you cannot be upset about her past. Here is a perfect example. When you two decided to be partners, you knew she had a best friend that was another female. Sure, you didn't know she thought she was hot and all that but how does that change relationship now that you know? Before you knew about it, you didn't have a problem with them hanging, now you do. It is understandable but... When you didn't know about her liking her friend a long time ago, did you feel like she was going to cheat on you with her? Probably not. If she loves you, she will be faithful, knowing the outcome would be bad. Hope this helps!