Examples: "you're being bratty," "you always leave a mess," "you never think about anybody but yourself," "you need to learn not to be so ungreatful."
Instead of saying stuff like this, we, the adults can just say stuff like, "I feel very upset when you don't listen to what I have to say," "I would really like it if you would offer to help around the house," or, "I try to show respect for your opinions, so I would really like you to try to show respect for mine." We often preach using "I/my" statements instead of "you/your" statements, but we often use "you/your" statements with children. If you think about it, statements like, "you're being......," "you always," "you never," and, "you need to not be so......," are "you/your" statements, and you may be inadvertently be teaching children to blame other people, or call other people nasty names, rather than communicating what is actually going on. Statements like, "I feel/felt.....," "I would really like it if.....," or, "I don't like it when.....," are "I/my" statements, and you may even be teaching children to communicate how they feel or what they want without placing the blame on other people. So why don't us adults just practice what we preach?
Absolutely! ALL children DEFINITELY need to learn that actions have consequences, but I think we can teach them that without saying stuff like, "you are being......," "you always.......," "you never.......," or, "you need to learn not to be so......." Phrases like those can actually make a child feel like it is never OK to take a break if needed, consider your own needs or wants, disagree with other people, among other things. Saying, "I feel/felt.........," "I would really like it if.......," "I don't like it when.....," are telling a child how you feel and what you need or want. Saying something like, "I try to show respect for your opinions, so I would like you to try to show respect for mine," is saying to the child, "it's OK if you have different opinions than someone else, as long as you can disagree politely and respectfully."
Now, if you are an adult, imagine if your boss told you something like, "you're not doing a very good job." How would you feel? What would you do or say? Now imagine that your boss said something to you like, "I would like to see you try harder on......." How would you feel? What would you do or say?
Here's another scenario. Imagine that you are trying to help a child with homework, and the child says something like, "you're not being very helpful." How would you feel? What would you do or say? Now imagine that you are trying to help a child with homework, and the child says something like, "I still don't understand what this question is asking." How would you feel? What would you do or say?