Why do I get really sad for a couple of hours and cry and blame myself ? I say that I hate myself?

The first line of defense against depression and anxiety is B vitamins. Get nutritional yeast powder and/or B-100 pills. Vitamin B2 is a water soluble dye that turns urine bright yellow. When the color fades, it's time for another dose. Read some books about nutrition so you know how to eat right.