Why can't I force myself to go to school?

Question

For awhile now I've been having problems with convincing myself to go to school. Lately everything seemed better then school. Well not lately. This has been happening for almost a year now. I have no friends at school because all my old friends changed into fake ass bitches, and I'm too shy to talk to anyone. All my teachers are really nice tho. I know my education is important and I really want to be smart, but I honesty can't bring myself to go.

I've tried talking to my mother about this problem I've been having but she always says something along the lines of "go to school or I will have some one come here and drag you there" and "you're not going to have a future if you keep doing this" and it stresses me out SO MUCH. All I think about is my future. Will I be smart enough to get a job? At this point is it even worth striving for anymore? And sometimes that leads to me thinking about whether or not it's worth living through. 

I've had a rough child hood with an abusive parent and money and food issues. So when I was 10 I moved in with my mother. So I've been living with her for 5 years. The thing is, is all of those five years, she's never comforted me when I needed her the most. She's a great mother and all, she just doesn't know how to raise a child. And so whenever I even try to talk to her about what I'm feeling, I feel constricted. Because I know if I tell her whatever is bothering me she's going to say I'm depressed and it's all because of my father. So that's why I gave up with trying to talk to her about that.

I've talked with councillors. But I don't feel comfortable enough to come foward about how I feel and what's going through my mind. Slowly the more and more hesitant I became to going to school, the more and more down I felt. It felt like everything hit me at once. Like I just saw the reality I was facing. And I don't know if I'm just being a brat and acting like this is such a big deal when really it isn't, or there's something wrong with me. I grew up with people telling me that a child's, nor a teenagers "struggles" are ever going to come close to an adults and that the child or teen should just leave the parent alone because they are actually going through a difficult time. 

It makes me feel like what I feel doesn't matter. But what I feel is too strong for me to handle some times so I think about suicide. "The easy way out" as some people like to call it. Has anyone else ever felt like this? And sm I just being a "typical child" or should I actually try harder to get help?

I'm sorry it's 3am, I haven't slept in two days and I'm a complete mess so this probably doesn't make a lot of sense.

Answer

Well. First of all, don't kill yourself. When I go through hard times I think about the the future. I imagine looking back and being happy that I got through it. Then in a little while I'm there an it's really nice it's in the past. Secondly, your a decent writer which suggests you have potential for the future. Thirdly, stay in school and to bed on time. I will often stay up late like right now even though I know it will be really hard to get up in the morning. You'll have way better concentration if you get to bed on time. As for cooping with your problems, you may want to consider getting a pet like a cat that you can snuggle with when you want. Pets give more meaning to your life because they rely on you for happiness as well as yourself. Also consider doing some sort of physical activity, such as walking more often or biking. I will often go out on my bike to practice some skills if I want do relax a bit. Hopefully these suggestions help you out a little.

Answer

I know exactly what you are talking about. The fact is public schools suck and the only thing anybody cares about is the all day baby sitting service. 

Escape if you can. Take classes at the community college, get an afternoon job, and get started on a life. Take acting, public speaking, civics and personal finance management. A community college is different just because everybody there is grown up. Sort of. Get "Dress For Success" by John Molloy and consider all the advice for students.
- Vocal skill will affect your earning power more than any other detail.
- Acting skill will get you a job offer even when you are not qualified for the job.
- The most important benefit you get from school is your address book.
- The difference between a successful person and a very successful person is that the latter knows hundreds more people, and knows them quite well.
- No school will teach you any of the above. They don't even teach how to do well in their school.
(About the clothes: He talks about appropriate clothes, not expensive clothes.)

Why can't I force myself to go to school?

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