I went for my nuchal ultrasound yesterday my baby was being very stubborn with the ultrasound lady. We were watching it for an hour, I saw it wave well it looked like it was waving at the daddy and me.I enjoyed seeing it move around it made my boyfriend happy, he was smiling his head off the whole the time. But when it comes to me I didn't know how to feel, I laughed a couple of times cause it was very stubborn but I feel like its not even my baby even though I know it is. I feel like I'm not apart of it. Is it normal to feel that way? When I first took a pregnancy test, it came up positive and I literally wanted to cry my eyes out cause I didn't want to be pregnant. My boyfriend already has two children. He loves his girl more than anything and I'm afraid if mines a girl she shouldn't get half as much attention as she would with the other girl. But if it's a boy I know they'd get the same equal amount. It's a fear I know I shouldn't worry about it. But I just feel that way I know he never loved his ex gf. Cause they only dated for a week and he wanted to leave her but she ended up being pregnant within the first week with his daughter. I just feel like I'm a disappointment not for him but for me. I just wish I could feel the love for my baby like I was hoping for. We tried for a year nothing happened, than I completely gave up and wanted to focus on my schooling and my hobbies like dancing and acting before I settled down. Will I feel love for this baby when it's born?
Responses (1)
I'm sorry you feel this way. This is not unheard of, but it is an issue when it comes to psychology. What you've described is very similar to Post-Natal Depression, where a mother will not feel a connection to her child after it is born. This has many causes, including simply not being mentally ready to be a mother, or having a nonexistent or harsh relationship to your own mother. Because this is a rather early occurrence of it, and before your child is born, you should know that some of the guilt you feel towards yourself is unfounded. Don't feel obligated to have blissful gaiety like how it sounds like you should, because your child is its own person. There is no real connection between you two except for blood and nutrients that you are supplying. The motherly love that you want to have for your child will come in time, but you also need to decide to love it.
Love is a choice, not something that randomly happens. Make sure that you have chosen to love your daughter. It's obvious to me that you do in some part, because you are worried about the love your child will receive from its father. That's important (it's desperately important for a child to have both a father figure and a mother figure, related or not) and it's also important for you to have love for it as well.
The best treatment for this that I can find is to be a mother to your boyfriend's daughter. Sure, you're not her mother, and she might not recognize you as such, but to be in a family unit definitely helps to grow affection for children specifically. Do things together, grow an innate relationship, basically practice having and loving a kid. And if you can manage to love a child that isn't yours by birth, then you'll have no problem loving the one who is.
That's the end of my professional opinion, but I can also give you my personal opinion, from my experience and from dealing with prenatal and postnatal depression from a number of my friends who've gotten pregnant. It's always best if he's your husband, not just your boyfriend. I have friends on both sides of the spectrum, but it is obvious that being married is a great way to encourage maternal instincts to emerge, as it is innate within women to nurture children after they are married. In the same way, it's innate within men to be protective of their children, and direct them in how to behave. I don't know your situation, but I can tell you that sealing a commitment is a great way to heal a lot of the problems that come from a relationship that is not sealed.
Think about it.