We have been dating for over 3 years, she was in an abusive relationship for over ten years and has a 13 year old daughter, who is very difficult and barely speaks to me. I have three grown children, all in college or grad school, and they do not like the relationship that I am in...the Sunday before Thanksgiving I was at her house for the weekend as her daughter was at a sleepover, and she told me that if I did not work this out with her daughter that we had zero chance of making this work, and that until we are engaged or married, I am just a boyfriend and not a priority...that crushed me as I have been there for her throughout...I left and we haven't spoken since...please weigh in here...
When your girlfriend is too harsh?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by madison1023
- Topics:
- daughter, over, girlfriend, year, dating, harsh, relationship, ten, old, years, relationships
Details:
Responses (1)
Sorry, I don't really know how to answer your question, but I do know this, if you really love her, then you better do your best to make the rest of your families accept your relationship and learn to like it. However, if you can't manage to do that right now, then have patience. I know that it will be difficult, but try your best! Try to spend more time with her daughter, but don't force her to do so or she might not cooperate. So instead, try making small remarks and you need to be whole-heartedly, don't go saying things that you don't mean. Have a family vacation with both families, but that won't really work out if no one is enthusiastic about it. Talk with your children, and if one of them happens to be a female, then let her and your future to be have some quality time with each other to make a stronger bond, but you need to be aware that things could always turn around at any given moment. So, have hope and don't say that this won't ever turn up because if you do, then you are basically giving up. Try to tell your girlfriend your true feelings and about your proposal. Don't be aggressive about it, but rather cool and restraint. Be honest and comprehensible. Make sure not to hide it from your children or else it may not work out. If you love her, then go for it. Don't give up! I wish for the best, and hopefully everything looks up! Good Luck! :)
I apologize for this late respond and I am sorry to hear that the children aren't acting the way that you want them to. I will not say to give them time but, I will tell you this, know her more. Try to understand how she feels, if she really hates the fact that you're dating her mother, then try to find out why. Is it because of your character or is it because she misses her father. Well, what happened to her father? It all depends on that situation, but either way its hard for her and your children. I may not understand how your feeling, but I know that its difficult for the both of you. My best friend lost his mother, and his father married a different women without telling him or his other siblings. He doesn't speak to her at all, they both keep their distance. I personally don't like this habit because anything could happen. By that I mean that one of them might disappear, die even. How would you feel, regret, sorrow, or anger? Try to make a good bond with them and if you simply can't, then I recommend backing off a little. Don't annoy her by saying that you would love me either way, and I am referring to both the daughter and mother. Make a friendly connection, believe me its better than not getting to her better. I really hope you didn't change your feelings towards that women. I am sorry if you are feeling devastated by your situation. Its difficult, painful and even frustrating. So, just what is happiness? Do you want happiness in your life? Do you think they would bring you that or that you would bring them happiness? Think about it. Make your decision, and remember that there is no right or wrong decision. :)
It has been a month, and we are both very sad, and still not talking...A friend of mine ran into her and explained that her comment that "I was not a priority" was really harsh...and she said that I was too sensitive, but it seemed to bother her...she said that she didn't want me to leave that day and got frustrated...
I miss her terribly, we both admit that we are completely happy when it is just us...
...now it's the holidays and it hurts even worse...
It seems as though she regrets saying that to you. So, I suggest being brave enough to spend your holiday with her, since you both want to. Try to prioritize your agenda, and by that I mean actually think about the "would be future." Think how you would feel two years from now. If you can't see that, then consult her. Face the daughter and tell her how you feel towards her mother, let her do the same to your children. Make your declaration before or even during the holiday. Remember that you would be held accounted for if things don't turn up right, so if you make even a small mistake to upset the daughter or hopefully your future wife, then things won't look tip-top in shape. I apologize by how much you are suffering, but know this that you are not alone. She is only looking out for her daughter, and she hopes you would understand that. Know that she didn't intend to hurt you, the both of you. If you want a great holiday, then don't go overboard, recall everyone's taste in things and you decide how it should be. If you spend it alone, then don't give up. There is still hope, believe that you could win her heart, and everyone's approval. I really do hope for the best. :)
Merry Christmas!
I hope everything is going smoothly for you. Are you enjoying the holiday? I hope you are, and that you are blessed with everyone's approval. Please tell me you are enjoying you holiday with her. I am really, really, really, really sorry that if you are not. I want there to be a happily ever after for the two of you. No, actually for all of you. Don't get discouraged if you are not spending time with her. I know that it's difficult and you probably are suffering a lot from it. What am I saying, I know that you are suffering and are in great pain, but please look on the bright side of things. (Advice: Listen to relaxing music and hanging out with close friends might help.) If you truly do love her, and if not being with her will make her happy, then decide if leaving will be best, but if what you told me is accurate and she too, loves you earnestly, then get married already! I know, I know that its easier said then done, but you decide. Loving someone a lot is wonderful and yet painful. I am not saying for you to give up on her, on you, but I am saying that you should make a decision on what to do next, and that you shouldn't just ask a random stranger. (Yes, I am talking about myself... Please don't get offended!) However, if spending time with her brings you more pain then happiness, then tell yourself if this love is really worth it? Again, I am a total stranger with no experience with love. Even so, I want the better ending for the both of you. I should say decide wisely, but that's too cruel, so instead I'll say, "Make the decision that will enhance both of your lives. Don't hesitate and lose this opportunity, make your pain you strength and thrive where you can make it to her heart. Win it and grasp it, claim it your own, and don't regret! Because again, love and happiness can never be easily accomplished. It is hard to gain, but its results will deem its worth." - Quoted by me, I think.
Anyways, go for it! Whatever decision you make, be happy. Your happiness is worth it, but her happiness is just as much.
I hope you have a jolly Christmas and a happy new years! :)
Hi,
It's been a while. Are you hanging in there?
I have spent so much time with her daughter, and she will always win if I am "not a priority" as she said to me before Thanksgiving...that really did hurt, I have never been told that by someone especially after so much time and effort together...
I do love her, and miss her bad...that is what is the worst about these constant fights, usually about her kid...whom she acknowledges is a bitch to me...