but says he has never been intimate with in any way. He told me he has been on several vacations and shared motel rooms with a couple of them,a couple of them have lived with him at different times,he has loaned a significant amount of money to at least one of them, bailed her out of jail a couple of times (oh, and she used to work as a stripper),has been to another's house several times to defend her from a male room mate who is not her boyfriend (why didn't she actually call her boyfriend for that?) One of them he was in a serious motorcycle accident with,told him she wanted a romantic relationship with him,he says he declined but they have remained close friends (this is one of the ones he has been on vacations with). Another of them actually told ME they used to talk about having sex but never have because it "might ruin our friendship". He also has a "god daughter" by his account who he says used to come to his house when she was training to be a massage therapist and give him massages while he was wearing nothing but a pair of briefs. All these women he maintains have never interested him romantically or sexually.He asked me at the beginning of our relationship if I would ever have a problem with these female friends of his. I told him "not right now because we are just dating casually,but later on we will see". Well in the course of our relationship I have met most of these women and observed his interaction with them. While it is not what I could honestly label as inappropriate,their interactions are very physical,and it is apparent that they are very familiar with and comfortable in each other's spaces.A few of them I have heard tell him they love him. One of them being the one who wanted to date him romantically. I am and for several months have been having an issue with my comfort level as far as him continuing friendships with these women.He says he doesn't understand why I should mind him having female friends that he can "hang out with" and "do things for" since he says there is no inclination on his part toward intimacy.None of these women have husbands and only one of them has a boyfriend.He is 47 years old and has never been married or had children.I am 40 and have been married before and have childrenbut who are all grown and out of the house..Am I wrong in asking him to recend these bonds with other women?
Responses (3)
i also agree...and if you boyfriend just doesn't work out with you than there are other options...100s of 1000s of guys out there waiting for someone like you
i am a female btw
I understand your concern. what you have to do is slowly and honestly make him understand that these women make you unconfortable. don't tell him to break it off he will just get mad. don't ask him to choose between you or them that will only chase him away. tell him that this make you sad and you wished that he would try to understand your point a view. Ask him how he would feel if you were the one with lots of guy friends?
Thank you for your response-you know, I actually DID ask him that and his reply was "I wouldn't mind because I trust you and know you love me". I told him it is not that I don't trust him or his friends. I tried to explain to him the way I believe about intimacy (not just sexual intimacy) and relationships. it's not even that I want him to not be friends with them-I would just like him to change the dynamics of his relationships with them.
I think your guy wants to have his cake and eat it too, what man on earth would not like to have the terms that your guy is working with. You are not asking him not to have female friends, but dame there is a line to be drawn, and he dame well knows it. Either he wants you as his woman, and all that comes with the togetherness or let him have his multitudes of females, there are hundreds or thousands of men to replace him. ( I'm a male also just saying !
Was adding a comment to chevey's having your cake and eating it too-I think it is interesting and helpful to receive feedback from both genders. Everyone who has commented has been very insightful and these comments have really helped me to think about some things.
Sorry to make you uncomfortable, can you tell us about your previous life and previous marraige that why it is broken.
Dear just stop thinking too much, if you dont feel to trust a guy, then it is better to move on instead of destroying your life and your boy friend life....
If you are beautiful, intelligent and talented then i think you have thousands of options aside from your BF....
Good luck
I had prior husbands who were unfaithful-their infidelity was the cause of the divorce. People have told me before that I tend to over think things. Thank you for your insight on this issue.
Don't give up or give in, there's men out here who are going thur the same things as your self, who are seeking a true & honest comittment.
I appreciate your response