When do I stop extending the olive branch? What's the etiquette, please!?

Question

I'm pregnant with my second child, but the first ended in a miscarriage. Trying who to determine who should come to the shower, there are shoe-ins, and there are not. My husbands cousin is one of those who is not a shoe-in. 

This woman, I can't even say lady, has seemingly made it her life's mission to be as close to an evil villain in a soap opera as possible. 
She openly ignores my presence at the family functions our paths cross, purposely handed out invitations to a baby shower in front of me and didn't give me one (I later found out I was invited to attend by the mama-to-be, who asked her several times to invite me. She did not. We found out when my husbands best friend called him, angry and hurt and scared when we didn't show up.), and has slandered my name multiple times on several occasions, and has even attempted to stop a friend of my husbands and I from having her birthday party on my parents property. 

I'm not special in this treatment, she's a selfish human being who didn't help set up for her own brothers wedding, or even help clean up (this event was also at my parents house), and this is her behavior at every event. We've never been invited to any event she's put on, our family now knows and has to take matters into their own hands to make sure we know of the event. 

My baby shower is a very special event, and my husband thinks we need to be the bigger people and invite her. I felt at peace when I didn't have her company, and had trouble sleeping when my husband said she needs invited. I feel like I'm in a darned if I do, darned if I don't situation. She's going to find something wrong with either way this cookie crumbles. Why wouldn't I have it crumble in my favor, and not worry about her making my baby shower about her? What should I do?

Please, give me some advice on this situation. I genuinely don't know what to do, she's not special in not being invited if I've not been invited to things myself. I have several family members that aren't coming because of this. I'm already at almost 70 people as is and I'm certain I'm missing someone yet still!

Answer

Wow 70 people.  It's possible she will just get lost in the crowd.  I'm the type of person that if I don't want them then they are not there.  Life is short and if you don't have to deal with annoying people then don't.  This is a happy occasion you don't need the stress. However, it's hard when you are married, sometimes you have to compromise.  Maybe if you told your husband that if you invite her then he needs to (or assign someone) to keep her away from you. Have you ever just confronted her and told her that her words and actions offend you and if she can't be nice she needs to leave?  Have you ever asked why she doesn't like you or your family? If there are more people that you do want to invite, then do it in place of her.

Answer

At one company I worked at one woman just was never happy unless everybody was as miserable as SHE was. At the same company, I somehow ended up ordering everybody's lunch on Fridays every week, for about 20 employees. I kept asking this one woman in my department, and she ALWAYS said NO. The one time I DIDN'T ask her, she got mad and asked why I didn't ask her. I told her, because you always say NO. Why should I go out of my way to track her down when she always said no??? Don't invite this woman if you don't want to, and if she asks you why you didn't, tell her, You never seem to enjoy yourself, so I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. You might be surprised how many OTHER people will be glad you didn't invite her either. In either case, YOU TRIED. It was either Ann Landers or Dear Abby who used to say, No one can take advantage of you, unless YOU let them. Good luck with your pregnancy.

When do I stop extending the olive branch? What's the etiquette, please!?

Responses (2)