My mom was married when I was born. I got her husband's last name and he is on my birth certificate. They divorced shortly after. I never knew this man. My mom told him that he wasn't my dad and the man she married after him was but my family has told me my entire life that my moms first husband is in fact my father. It turns out they were young and both cheated and my mom was seeing her second husband around the time I was conceived. I finally found this man via Facebook to ask him myself as I was never able to get any answers from my mom. He said that there was never a paternity test. He seems excited at the possibility of having a daughter and wants to meet me this weekend. I confronted my mom and she admitted that she wasn't sure. The thing is, the man that helped raise me (my mom's second husband) was abusive and hated me, maybe because he didn't know if he was really my dad or not? I didn't speak to him since I was 12. He died when I was 18. Now I'm supposed to drive 4 hours away to meet this man who could potentially be my father and I'm incredibly nervous. He said he thought he was sterile. So maybe he isn't my dad after all.. I'm scared to meet him and try to form a relationship and then get negative results. Any advice? How should I approach this? What do we talk about when we meet? How long should I stay? Should I give him a hug? If I get a positive result, how often should we have contact?
What to do when you THINK you found your father?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by mommyof2b...
- Topics:
- mom, birth, father, found, husband, born, certificate, name, married
Answers (1)
First of all, breathe.
My grandmother lost her entire family at a young age. They were slaughtered. As such, whilst growing up, my father and his brother had very little in the way of biological ties; my grandfather was a gifted intellectual and an aloof individual. They would oft visit this mechanic, a family friend, and "adopted" him as an uncle. Later on, as an adult, he's been dedicating much effort into mapping out his ancestry. In the course of this business, he found many distant relatives - 2nd and 3rd and above cousins and whatnot. He contacts them to "compare notes", shares their personal history, befriending them to various degrees.
The man who raised you, he had the opportunity to love you as his own regardless of any biological uncertainties, and elected to waive it. To have been deprived of a caring father at such a young age, suspect it had left a void, longing within your heart - it shows in your words. Whether or not this first husband may serve as a viable replacement, I know not; however, being bereft of offspring as he was (from alleged sterility), a symmetrical void would likely have formed within him.
He likely has very few details of your life. This alone would take hours to convey in any meaningful manner. Stay for as long as you (that is, you and him) feel the need to stay. Few men would refuse an embrace from a fair young lass, yet a gentleman may contain himself from initiating one.
Remember that family is more than a mere biological construct. You can find it in the most improbable of circumstances, so long as it satiates that particular emotional want.
I don't know whether you'll ever read this; Nevertheless, to whomsoever may find themselves in this predicament, I hope these words shall aid you in your time of need.