We have been going out for half a year, she kept lying and I gave her chance after chance, now it's come to the position where I've bumped her and she has given me paragraphs of writing saying this that and the other with a ton of sorrys on phone, this is one of my first relationships so what do I do?
Answers (3)
I think you should try to find out why she's doing this. Whatever the reason, give her one last chance. If she does it again, you could ask her whats wrong. Don't be harsh with her. Try to be a good boyfriend. Maybe she'll change. If she still does it, you could gently break up with her. I'm sorry your relationship is like this. I hope it gets better!
The bottom line is that we do not repeatedly treat those we consider our friends (romantic or otherwise) badly. This girl has not just lied the once, she has lied multiple times which must have hurt you considerably. Your only mistake was allowing her to continue to treat you badly over and over again.The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. So now you have stopped talking she has written you a long winded letter full of apologies and reasons, possibly along the lines of how it was not her fault she behaved this way it was down to some other influence. It probably includes declarations of love and loyalty and a bucket load of empty promises. And to really really prove to you that she is sincere, she has followed all this nonsense up with a phone call or two repeating the same things over and over. We have all experienced this sort of thing and when inexperienced it is confusing.
You have a choice about what to do. Option 1, against your better judgement and despite the fact you suspect she is making fool of you, you accept all that she has said and restart the relationship. There is a 99% chance it will end up exactly the same as it has now. She will carry on as before and all that will change is that you will be even more upset and hurt than you are now. Not only that, you will feel like an idiot for letting her treat you badly yet again.
Option 2: see this for what it is. This person has repeatedly lied to you and you have been fooled over and over again. Have you had enough yet? This is not about you and not because of you or something you have done or not done. Her behaviour is down to her - she has chosen to treat you badly, you have not caused it to happen. To that end, there is nothing you can do to change her behaviour, The only person we can control is ourselves. You cannot control what she does when she lies to you, she will carry on regardless. You do however, have the power to control what you do and how you behave. You are accountable for your own well-being. If you chose to be a doormat then you cannot complain when she treats you like one. So, perhaps it is time to let this go before she completely destroys your confidence. You cannot change the past but you can exercise damage control for the future. You do not have to explain yourself to her nor do you have to feel guilty when she bleats on about how sorry she is . Expect some tears from her. Walk away. Remember, talk is cheap. You need to watch what people do, not what they say. And what she has done so in the past 6 months is not acceptable at all and you must not put up with it.