It all started just over a year ago, I fell in love with this girl at my college. Let me tell you before I get into this my family is very traditional to the point where, they are expecting me to marry someone of the same background as me. I am Kurdish and I am 18 years old, still got my entire future ahead of me. Anyway I met this girl who is the same age as me. I got to know her for nearly a year and got pretty close before finally realising that I was actually in love with her. But for once this time it was different. This girl was Persian, not far off from Kurds at all. Both descendents of Aryans, we have the same blood running through us. So for once, traditionally, this would actually be accepted by my family and I'm sure hers too. Anyway I told her how I felt and found out that she is anti-love and hates the idea of marriage and falling in love with someone because in the end pain is all it brings. For months she tried making me leave her and tried persuading me to give up and I made it clear there was no way I would ever. I kept telling her that I'd always be there for her until one day, she told me that she fell for me too. She slowly fell in love with me too. I became her first love and from then on it was great. We were finally on one level, I could finally be able to hold her. I was finally able to hug her when I really needed to or when she really needed to, I was able go walk her home. Basically I was there for her like I wanted to be. Until one day I was walking her home and we were down the road from her house. We were talking like usual and her mom drives past and sees us together. Her mom stops and she goes to her and they start talking. I was fiddling with my phone trying to make out lik there was nothing. Like I said she has a traditional family that disapproves girls and boys being like that and when she returned, she told me she had to go look after her little brother and went, almost like she was in a hurry. Then she messaged me saying she loves me but she doesnt want to lose her trust from her mum and also she doesnt want that idea to be inflicted onto her, that whole 'girlfriend and boyfriend' idea. She told me she will always love me, but that we should act like friends until later on when we can truly be together. I understand her, I really do. I get that she doesnt want to lose her moms respect and I shouldn't stand in between that. But I cannot help with selfish side of mine that wants her right now so bad. I dont know what to do anymore. So I put a picture up on my Snapchat story, aimed at her and it said 'You told me that if I fell, you'd be there to catch me. I believed you until I hit the ground'. She instantly messaged me saying she would always be there to catch me, but that she needs my help and I need to understand her. Maybe I'm in the wrong at this point ans I'm being selfish. I really want the best for her though, so what should I do?
Answers (2)
You didn’t do anything wrong. This type family is hard to crack because they don’t like change and are very overprotective, but with patience and dedication, they can accept you. Try showing how much you love and respect their daughter, maybe even suggest talking to her parents in private and tell them your feelings; that you’re serious not fooling around.
If you both love each other that much you can even propose to her after clarifying your feelings, but only if you’re sure you want to spend the rest of your life together. If you are, and you can’t live without her; tell them that.
If they don’t accept and your girl chooses their side, I’m sorry to say but it might not work out. Even if she loves you, sometimes the love isn’t as strong as her fear.
But that’s the thing with our hearts, no matter how broken we can still heal and find another. If she really loved you, she’d want you to be happy. Being in love will hurt but it’s beautiful; you’re allowed to act selfish and want her to yourself. It’s normal.
I’m rooting for you, good luck.
Persia has not existed since 1935. She's Iranian.
Neither of you come from cultures where you can go against your families. Hiding the fact you two are dating isn't going to make them accept either of you any more than they do now. You either go against both sets of parents or give up the relationship. For your cultures there are no other options and you know that.