I'm in an 8 month gay relationship. He's younger than me. I moved to a new state for work leaving behind all my friends and family. I met a few guys, went to bars, but nothing every serious, until I met my then boyfriend, now ex? Halfway across the country, I never expected to meet anyone, and when we met we hit it off. He came from a broken family, and didn't have much. I shared everything with him. I helped him make amends with his siblings, and now he's closer to them than ever. I took care of him financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually even though i didnt get all of that back. I don't ask for much. He treated me bad, a lot. I loved him too much to end it though. (I wasn't raised to be a quitter.)
if we argued, he would leave. I don't have anything here, and he's all I know besides work. I did everything I could to make him stay, so he would. He would say things to hurt me, and I'd bottle it up. Two arguments later, I'd let it all out. I had to try even harder to make him stay.
7 months later, I got tired of him leaving. When he left, I didn't call him back, didn't text. He came back anyways, and I felt stronger. He told me he hated me for being the better boyfriend that he was jealous, because I was capable of offering him the world and he couldn't do the same thats why he treated me badly. I told him that I didn't care about the world, because he was my world. But also, I was mad at him because I loved him too much to walk away and it was so easy for him.
He broke up with me over a handful of times, with different reasons. Each time, I was crushed. This past time he broke up with me, I let it be. I tried to work things out but nothing worked. He said we could talk and work things out, but changed his mind on a whim. A few days later he went to my place while I was at work and dropped off all the stuff I ever bought him, including a really expensive bracelet that was sentimental.
I was crushed because I knew he meant business. He left me here, and stuck to it. Bringing back all the stuff i bought him crushed me even more because not only did he leave me behind, he left me with all the memories. We were toxic. He would leave, and I'd cry for him to come back.
I gathered all the stuff we shared and threw it away. The memories killed me, i couldnt sleep, eat, and i couldnt stop drinking alcohol to numb it all. A week later, I made a guy friend (strictly platonic) who suggested I get a gym membership so we can be workout buddies so I can get out of the house. Later throughout the day he called to check up on me. He caught me at a bad moment and I cried, and didn't stop. He wanted to get me out of the house so I'd stop sulking. We went out, but I only lasted a few hours until certain things triggered my pain and we left.
The next day my ex contacts me wanting to talk. I agreed. He came over and we talked, cried, screamed, cried, and cried. I forgave him. I told him about my new friend, and he cried. He asked me if I slept with him, which of course I didn't. He wanted to go through my phone and call him to ask. I refused because I didn't wanna drag my friend into his insecurities. I was already paying for them.
He said he felt betrayed because I "moved on". I told him I didn't do anything wrong, that he left me, what was I supposed to do?! I needed help, I needed someone to talk to. He had all the friends, all the family. He said I shouldn't have gone to a stranger with my problems, and that he never left me. He said I shouldn't have given up hope, that he would have come back. He spent the night and left again in the morning. He said he was disgusted with me. I begged. I pleaded. I promised to do anything, but he said that I shouldn't have signed up for a gym membership and gone to the bar. He said he's not ready to forgive me. I can't stop crying because I don't know what I did or how I can fix this. Can someone please help me?
