So Lets start with one thing, I can't have orgasm while having sex with my boyfriend. Im close to having an orgasm every time he scratches my back , or chokes me. But its still not enough for me as he doesnt do it hard enough or for as long as i want him to. I enjoy sex anyway, only because i know its making him happy, it also gives me some pleasure of expressing our love to each other in this way. I asked him if he can do it harder, but he said 'no' as he doesnt want to hurt me. Which i completely understand so i gave up.

I can only have an orgasm when i masturbate, and i have weird fantasies, which involve brutal and really violent sex, like cutting, punching etc.

Here's something about my past... I was abused as a child, i was raped since i was 7 till not longer after my 13th birthday. No i never had any help, no one even knows, never told my mom or anyone, but my boyfriend and my best friend. I don't cry about it, as it was my life, and i was used to it ( i know it sound stupid ), but as i grow older it makes me realize how big deal it is, and what it really means and that it was a really bad thing (btw im 18 ). Just to finish i want to say that sex was never a big deal for me as i was used to having it since young age.

Its not even about me getting an orgasm but about getting more information.
I just want to know one thing - Is it my past that affects my present? Or is it just me being one of these girls that need bit more in bed then just normal sex?

Any information that you have on cases like mine, i would appreciate if you could share them with me.