I've been with my current partner for three years. On a couple of occasions our situation has become violent. Last year we were out having dinner and on the way home we had an argument in the car which escalated and the way he was speaking to me was not acceptable. I ended up slapping his face, hard. I understand how wrong this was but at the time felt like I needed to 'wake him up' from the vile person he was being. I shouldn't have done this, at all. As I walked away, he went in the kitchen drawer and got a knife. He chased me upstairs with it and he had me begging him to stop. My hand ended up getting cut. Fast forward a little and I established this happened because he was extremely stressed. (Which is not a lie). He still says that if was my fault as I slapped him first, had I not done that then he wouldn't have reacted in that way..
again, this weekend we were out together for the first time in a long while. We were having a lovely time. I said something he didn't like, his reaction was innapropriate. He ended up leaving going home. I stayed with my friend for a couple of hours then went home. He had packed a bag ready to leave, and he was sleeping in a spare room. He then said I hit him, but hand on heart can not remember this, I'm not saying if didn't happen but I just cAnt remember as I had drank a few glasses of wine. What I do remember is him sitting on top of me punching my head, my skull is bruised and lumpy all over. I have a huge black eye. I've had muffled hearing today which I can only presume is from the head trauma. My ears are also very black and bruised. I bit him, on his back and it has left a mark. Again I'm genuinely not sure if this was done trying to hurt him or trying to get him away from me. On so many levels this was so wrong. All of it, none of it should have happened. We spoke about it this morning and he is again under the impression that it was again my fault because I lashed out first. He is not marked in any way at all bar the mark from a bite. He told me that every time I tried to get up he kept punching me in the head. He keeps blaming me saying that he was protecting himself? I completely understand that I should not have lashed out at him but then is it right for him to beat me the was he did?
We have a lot of things to work out and I'm Unsure what the future holds for us. I don't feel like this can swept under the carpet and I genuinely want us to work things out and get help if that's what this means. I feel that the first step would be for him to recognise that although I apparently lashed out first, his reaction was too far. He doesn't see that? Am I wrong? Help me put some clarity on things. 99% of the time we really truly are a great couple.