Okay, people. I need some major questions answered about the situation I am currently in. I have been "talking to" this guy since the end of December. Note, he is recently divorced, his divorce was final a couple weeks before he and I started talking. I got onto a social networking site one day, and bam....there was his friend request. It wasn't a joe blow guy I didn't know from adam. I actually went to highschool with him for a couple years. I ended up transferring to an all girls school later on. I didn't even know that he ever noticed me in school to even want to send me a friend request. I asked him if I knew him (which I knew I did), to see what his response would be as far as why he sent me a friend request. His response was "I thought I had seen you before, couldn't remember where". We got to small chit chat for about 30 minutes. I at that point had an issue with my computer, and gave him my phone number to call, if he wanted to continue the conversation. Just as I got off of the computer, 2 text messages rolled in from him. Needless to say, we talked just through text message and phone calls from December up until mid February, when he said "I've got to meet you, you sound awesome". So we met up for a bit. Maybe 30 minutes or so, I was busy running errands and such. I felt comfortable being around him. He and I talked about many different aspects of our lives. Me being a single mother, who has full custody of her child. He talked about (not too much at the beggining), about how he got married when he was 18. He was married to his wife for 7 years, and it ended up in divorce because she cheated on him and got pregnant. So anyway, I tell the guy from the beggining that I just want to get to know him, but I did like him and that sex wasn't going to be something to happen for a long time down the road with us, and that's if the friendship turns into a relationship. So we have hung out now, 4 times. Due to his busy work schedule, he works 5 to 7 days a week. 8 to 16 hour shifts. I have a small child and a job, so my schedule is busy a lot as well. So we hung out as often as we were able to with both of our busy schedules. He seemed very interested at the beggining. He texted me and called me every single day. When we hung out, it was just us. And we would hang out for at least 6 or 7 hours. Things started to seem confusing about our situation, when he took me out the last time. It was this past week. He called me up and said "how does bowling sound?". He had a four day break (four days off in a row), and wanted to take me bowling. We went bowling. His shoulder started to hurt him, so he said (after the second game), lets do something else. I don't want to tear up my shoulder, I have to work. I told him whatever we did was up to him. He told me to decide. So I brought up going to a bar and grill or a club. Neither of us had been to one in a while. At this point we are about 30 minutes away from the club. He looks at me and says "I think I might invite some of the boys". Meaning his guy friends and brother. I told him I didn't mind at all, it was his four day break and to have fun. We all went to the club. Drank. Danced, etc. I started talking to his guy friends about how I didn't know if he liked me or not. They assured me that he did. One of them even made this comment "Have you noticed he won't make a move on you?, it's because he really does like you and he wants to get to know you better, his ex wife hurt him deep". So that night, my guy told me that he liked me. His friends told me that he liked me. And even his brother told me that he liked me. So this pretty much confirmed it all. I stayed at his house with him that night. We layed in bed. And I tried to start making moves on him. He didn't seem to mind the groping and kissing at all. And then he looked at me and told me we were going to have to stop because he was getting "blue balls". I asked him why, and he said that it's not that he doesn't want to have sex with me, because he does. Just not at this time. I asked why, and he said because before his wife and after their divorce before he met me he always had sex with a girl on the first date and when they first hung out. He said he was afraid to possibly ruin a good thing by us having sex so early into getting to know each other, and for me to be patient and wait, because waiting will make it worth it in the end. Well, since that morning he brought me home. I didn't hear my alarm go off at 8am, and woke up at 10am to his house phone going off. It was a family member of mine, who was babysitting my daughter for me. I accidently slept in two hours longer than what I should have, so I could come home to take care of my daughter, and the family member could go home. She was more mad at him than me, saying that he should have had since enough to know to set his alarm as well in case mine didn't go off. Anyway, he rushed to get me home. I didn't hear from him all that day, until I texted him and apologizing for trying to have sex with him. He told me I worry too much and it drives him crazy. He told me that he doesn't understand why I worry about what I look like, when I am gorgeous even on a day when I say I look like crap, and why I always worry about what other people think, about what he thinks. So anyway...my main question is this....His friends said that he likes me. He said that he likes me. But where it used to be he wanted to be up my butt all of the time, even with just texts/calls, now when i bring up he and i hanging out again he says he doesn't know. he might end up with plans that day, so it's too early to say if we can hang out or not. I have to contact him first now. I text him, no answer until like 5 or 6 hours later when I call to ask what's up. We still have great conversations on the phone when we do talk on the phone. His friends say that he likes me he just wants to move slow. Some of his friends say he is probably scared of his own feelings, because he likes me and his wife did him so crummy. And the last thing that he said to me about it was that what his wife did to him put up one heck of a wall, and it's going to take one hell of a woman to get through the wall he has up. And then he said that I was off to a good start. So does he like me? Or was I just supposed to be a flavor of the 3 months type deal, like a rebound from his ex wife (even though we never had sex, just kissing, hand holding)? Why in the heck is he ignoring me out of nowhere all of the sudden? I have explained to him how I feel, and he says that I need to stop worrying. Has he lost interest? Or is his friends right, that he has such a wall up and his scared how strongly he feels about me that he's ignoring me right now? I am so confused. Someone, please help!
Responses (1)
Wow that took some reading!! good job i'm bored! anyway It all sounds very sweet! I love hearing about love story's!! It sounds like a typical guy thing to me, guys can just turn off and forget to text you for a few days even if they love you to pieces!! I don't think you have much to worry about, just don't scare him off by texting him every 10 minutes and calling him, let him text you when he's had a think, sounds like the whole idea of sex scared him a bit! ( i know its horrible to hear) but he will be still in love with this other woman that cheated on him and that needs some serious time to heal :( I would try and forget about him for like 2 days ( try and hide your phone from yourself so your not tempted ) and then ask just if everything is ok, it doesn't sound like he wants to loose you, think the sex might take time.. you said yourself right at the beginning that sex wasnt going to be until a lot later, that probably appealed to him and probably made him like you more, give it time :) i want an update tho haha x
Damn that's crazy well I hope all goes well for u in the future.
Well, you wanted an update...so here it is. I broke up with him a couple of days before Easter. I have been in numerous relationships and I am 26 years old....So I know the ins and outs (mostly) of being bs'd and fased out. I have heard every line and every story. I didn't hear from him and gave him 2 whole days to respond. Then I made the decision to contact him. Rather than texting him, I wanted to call him and hear his initial response over the phone. He answered, we chit chatted for a few. I happened to notice what time it was on my cell phone. It was 15 minutes before he was supposed to be at work and it takes him 40 minutes to get there. At the beggining of each week he would always give me his full work schedule so I could work my time of being a single working parent around his schedule....so we could have time for each other at both of our conveniences. He told me "Nahh, I don't have to work tonight", and I immediately by the tone in his voice knew he was full of bologna. To make a long story short, he had been lying to me the entire time of us dating. About his work schedule and about him sleeping with other girls. His excuse was "I actually really like you, that's why I didn't want to have sex with you and wanted to get to know you first...but a man has needs and better to have someone I don't like fulfill them, then let my hand do it". So I pretty much in a nutshell told him that it's not like he had a ring on my finger, he could go out and do whatever he chose to do (activities or people). That I understood he just got divorced and had been married all of his adulthood life and he should go out and experience being on his own (single), playing the field. Etc. I told him I think it would have been respectful of him however, to tell me all the before hand and not tell me because I force him into fessing up what's up. He said he didn't know exactly what he wanted. That he liked me to the point it scared him, because he tries to hold all of his feelings in, but he still wanted to have a sex fest with every attractive women with a hole in which he could stick it in. So I told him to call the relationship at a loss, he needed to go on with his life, enjoy his new man hood and I would go on with my life.....because I am a grown adult, with full custody of my child who works to pay all of my own bills and pay mine and my child's way.....and having a guy or not having a guy doesn't break my heart either way. So that's my update. Lol.