I have been alone for most of the time over the years. There are almost no friends, I don't communicate with anyone at the university. In principle, this state of affairs does not cause any particular discomfort for me. But all the same, starting next year I would like to somehow change this state of affairs, since there is a feeling that I am living wrongly. I tried to start communication with someone, but all these attempts, alas, were not very successful, and even then, I felt discomfort during this.
Responses (2)
I was / have been the same way for many years, as a distinctly introverted person.
I am well aware of the pressure to socialise, mostly direct by my parents, somewhat by society and logic telling solitude would be harmful in the long run the way it's structured.
For me, the solution was, on the first year of high school and my first job, to shake hands and strike up small conversation every morning with every guy who was willing to; possibly starting from only those whom I knew in the least, such as classmates, and very few girls since I could never communicate with them confidently.
Yes, it's always discomforting - most people feel that way during social interactions.
Yes, it makes you look crazy or weird for a while, to some. If so, I stopped trying with that particular person. There were many others who reciprocated. That's the ice breaker.
Next step was hanging out with the groups which seemed the most suited for my own preferences (nerds). Unless you're aiming high, nobody's really gonna try to stop you and if you have something to contribute, they'll eventually come to accept your presence.
Alternatively, go for the single friends approach - that takes more active effort of learning about that person and having a positive influence in their life, yet potentially easier to focus and react. Note, however, that the odds of connection are lower, as you've witnessed, in which case you acknowledge the limits and try elsewhere, without discouragement - it's just part of training.
An important part of either approach is being inclined to adopt new interests. I'm sure you have your own set of quite diverse ones, but it will often earn you plenty of points just for trying and having something in common on which you could offer a perspective or listen with a genuine understanding.
Admittedly, an individual with above average intellect may sometimes (or always) have to tone it down, especially in avoiding hyper eloquence, formality & decorum. Once you're better acquainted you can test those boundaries.
I'm aware that conversations have shifted towards the virtual realms, and cannot say whether there are some special tricks to it. Presence and emotion reading might be thrown out the window, but I believe determination will still pay off, and catching people's attention during those moments when their heads leave their phones might work if they see what they're missing (or maybe they'll hate it, it's a gamble).