... communicated it to me. She was born and raised with her mother in another state. Help, is it wrong to want her to go back once 18?
Stepmother - My fiancee's 16 year old came to live with us in my house. He never asked me nor...
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by Stressed19
- Topics:
- house, state, mother, year, back, born, raised, old, years, stepmother, mothers
Details:
Added 3+ months ago:
He also has 2 other children that stay with us every other week. Not including the 1 year old we have together.
Answers (1)
Thanks, I understand a bit better now.
You're not wrong to want a family of your own, nor to set up whatever rules for the house over which you've laboured establishing.
I hope you won't resent this analysis, but as stated, there are some flags with this man. A relationship must be built on communication, and whether or not you welcome his children (underage or otherwise), at the very least you should have the majority vote in any such decision as the owner. Asserting dominion at your expense is a patriarchal move. Regardless of love, you should be aware of reality and resist becoming a doormat.
As for the girl, you make it sound as though she comes from a broken home. I don't doubt that she prefers to stay with you more than her mother, but then I'm not so sure she trusts you either. That would depend a great deal on her character. Withal, you should talk to her directly - let her know that by the time she turns 18, she must make her own accommodations (not necessarily with her mother). If you're willing, offer assistance in getting into college and whatnot. Be resolute in your ultimatum. She will likely turn to her father eft, and his reaction will reveal his true nature.
It's not going to be as easy as envisioned, but you must learn to make your own path if you want it to ever go in the direction you desire, when such baggage is involved. It's part of the process of becoming a parent.
Long story... His home foreclosed.. He has 2 other kids from a prvevious relationship.Lady is nuts! I don't get involved at all.... Kids love me and I can sincerely say that his kids have grown on me!.. I am a very patient and respectful person...... My stress/anxiety is exactly him NOT giving me the respect and consideration to TALK to me!!!!! It really has made me start disliking the situatiin, but truly not against the kids... If that makes sense... The daughter loves being here with us but I feel that given she has her mother and grew up with her mother that she needs to go back... We have a beautiful 2 year old together and I expected US in our new home.... I love him and he is great, but I just can't negotiate! I want all of them to as soon as turn 18, visit me for special occassionsand holidays only! Am I being unreasonable? The girls mom lives out of state and has no true career or even a place of her own, another reason why she enjoys being here..... I feel bad, but I am sorry if her mom did nothing with her life and now that collecting child support isalmost gone allows to have her daughter to leave her to come live with us.