We're in college. My boyfriend asked me to move into his room with him this semester. He currently lives alone, and I live with a roommate. My boyfriend absolutely hates my roommate. He thinks he's a sissy, who talks too much, and is apparently too happy all the time.... He also is maybe a little bit jealous? Anyway, I'm not sure if I actually want to move in with him because I feel like it's too much too quickly, and i don't want to make things too serious right now. (we've only been dating for three months) That's not really something I want to tell him though because it may hurt him, and may make things a little bit awkward, or maybe even make him think that things won't ever be that serious, although things could very well end up that way. My current roommate and I love having each other around, and have great times. We've grown into a decent pair of friends. I'm going to miss him if i move out. ugh. What should i do?
Responses (2)
I think it's ovious that you shouldn't move in this point. It seems that you really don't want to move in with him for now, so don't do something that's not good for you. It would distroy your relationship because you might get bitter and more and more angry to him cause you had to move in with him even though you didn't want to. Leaving a good friend isn't wise either. Maybe you'll move in with your boyfriend later, but not now.
But what to say to him? I guess you're a little bit afraid of his reactions. You shouldn't be. Instead you should be able to set healthy boundries to yourself and not let him decide for you. If he truly loves you, he will understand this. You might say something like "I don't want to destroy our relationship by having too much too soon. I really love you, but I would like to get to know you much better before I move in with you. I also need my own space. I hope you understand."
And I think you should talk with your boyfriend about your roommate. Why does he hate him? Beeing too sissy or too happy isn't a good reason to hate someone. And which one is jealous? I think there must be something else underneath this hate. Hate is usually a feeling which hides being scared of something. Maybe your boyfriend is afraid of loosing you. That's why he doesn't like your room mate and wants to pull you to his flat. If you assure him, that there's nothing to be afraid of, maybe he'll accept your roommate. I hope it turns up ok :) all the best to you!
alisa789 is right
I'm not really exactly sure why he hates him. My roommate can be a bit much sometimes, and my boyfriend is super uncomfortable with his sexuality, so he tends to push away the more flamboyant gays. It's really nothing personal. They get along fine when they're together, he just doesn't particularly enjoy being with him. My boyfriend is also still in the closet, so I think he doesn't want to get too comfortable with other gays, or else my roommate will find out I guess? It's complicated. haha. I think he wants me to move in because he's always lived by himself and he now feels no reason to be lonely now that he doesn't really have to be. His problem is that he has a ton of friends, but no real ones. Just a bunch people he likes to hang out with, but nobody he opens up to. He spends every other second studying or playing tennis. I understand where he's coming from, I just don't want to be pulled into his isolation bubble, you know? if that makes any sense at all. I just wish he didn't build up such a huge wall. But I think i'll just have to tell him that I don't want to move in yet. You're right.