I have been living with my bf for 3yrs now. When we first lives together I earnt less than minimum wage as I was an apprentice and he earnt more because he was in sales. Since then we have moved and I have been working for the last 1.5yrs in a very well paid job, earning double his salary. I hate the job but the money is more than I could hope to make anywhere else. Meanwhile, earning so much has meant that I could provide financial security whilst he tried to find a job he likes as he hated sales so much! He has been in and out of various jobs earning varying amounts and leaving for various reasons, usually without another role lined up first (that said, he is a really hard worker when it comes to job hunting, he was never out of work for very long). He has now managed to find a job that he likes, in the field that he wanted. Them money is still half my salary but his incremental pay increases are set in his contract so he will be earning more than me in a few years. I have been struggling with mental health for the last few months (years actually but it is getting much worse lately) to the point that I do not want to stay in my job. I actually work part time evenings and weekends in addition to my real job. The part time work is a job that I love and it lifts me up and fills me with energy, however, the money is not good. The pay is minimum wage and I have been offered a maximum of 25hrs/week so I would be earning about £1000 less each month if I worked there instead. My bf has told me that he would rather I was happy and that he is happy to support me financially, especially since I did the same for him. He is absolutely wonderful and has not proposed yet but has told me that he intends to. If I swapped from my rubbish high paid job to my dream job, I would also pick up all the housework so he would not have to do anything when he comes home (currently he does a lot) but I feel like it is unfair for me to let him support me so much, even though he says he wants to. I dont imagine us breaking up but if we did, I would not be able to support myself any more. I really want to follow my heart and change jobs but I don't want to be a selfish idiot that makes a mistake at the expense of her relationship. Please tell me what you think about this and how you might feel in my bfs position? Thanks :)
Should I let my BF contribute more financially than I do?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by InspireMe
- Topics:
- work, money, relationship, mental health
Responses (2)
I have not personally been in a relationship or experienced finanical difficulties, but have been around those close to me who certainly have. My suggestion is that it is healthier for a couple or partners to be financially aiding each other to not only allow them to be practicing a profession they enjoy but builds greater trust and internal security. Regarding your mental heatlh - if it is becoming a serious issue that inflicts with your daily life I suggest that you fabricate a schedule or impose daily relaxing sessions in your schedule; I am currently still in a higher level of education and have many times experienced monumental anxiety and stress which has blocked my productivity and learning. The best method of stress relief for me is reading - It not only relaxes your mind but provides you with an escape from reality - going back to do work afterwards with a clear mind can help exponentially in your creativity, attitude, productivity and mood. I do not know of your financial situation, in all, I will say that if you need the money and your boyfriend is not in a position to sustain you and himself easily it would be best to remiain in this job for another year or two until your boyfriend has progressed financially; yet if you are content with living without certain luxuries in life then 100% choose the option that will make you happy. I have seen people that live of a couple of pounds (Great Britain Pound) a day but are happier than I am. I personally have been raised to follow the path that will both bring me financial security and ensure the prevention of depression. But given the situation you have described and if I was in your boyfriends position I would support my partner. Furthermore, you could keep searching - I am almost certain that there is a job out there that you would enjoy and would pay well. Nevertheless, I wish you all the best and hope you and your boyfriend live a happy, prosperous life.
There seems to be more concern about who makes the mosy money and who makes the bed. There is absolutely nothing about getting into therapy and getting into sessions and taking medications while in therapy if necessary. THAT is the goal not who quits their job!
Once your head is back on straight and clear then most of the problems won't be problems any more. Seems to me that you need to start therapy and discuss with your therapist what the right path is because right now you don't sound as if you can make such an important decision without expert guidance.
If you are working a full time job and a part time job I guestion if you are getting enough sleep, if you are getting enough nutrition and if you have any time for youself or time to relax and have activities with your boyfriend as any normal dating couple does. Your work and personal life don't seem balanced at all.
Therapy then some decisions. Good luck!