Should I leave my fiance!??

Question

I am 27. I'm engaged to a good guy who has similar life goals to get married, have children, start a life. He treats me well and I am content but there is no chemistry or passion. We don't really talk about deep and spiritual issues.I feel like the emotional connection is seriously lacking. I feel bored already and we have only been together a year. He says he will do whatever it takes to fix things. We are planning to go to therapy. Only problem is he's said that before and change lasts only a short time then he goes back to distant and selfish. Maybe he will finally change now bc he knows its a serious problem to me? then there's my ex...

My ex and I dated when he was 19 and I was 20. He lives in another state far away. He is full time single dad now. I visited him two years ago, before I met my current man but we did not sleep together and have not since we dated 7 years ago. Still, we have this mind-blowing connection and awesome chemistry both in person and on the phone. He makes me laugh and smile like no other.

I feel so alive when we are together, like my spirit is trying to escape my body and its on fire. I respect and admire him deeply and I am in awe of his passion and good character. We don't communicate perfectly because I am afraid to be vulnerable, but it's often like we don't even need words. Everyone around us when we are together can see and feel the connection and tension between us. They always comment on it.

Although I haven't seen him in 2 years and have tried to forget him and move on I still think about him every day all day. What makes it worse is he does too. He says he's in love with me and can't stop thinking of me. He describes our connection as "the best high from the greatest drug in the world."

It isn't perfect though, nothing is and I realize that passion often burns out. I start to ask myself if chemistry and passion even matter because everyone says they fade, or could be a result of an attraction based on unresolved issues from the past such as abusive childhoods. Both he and I come from backgrounds of abuse and emotional neglect as children. I don't want to risk a "sure thing" that is good enough for something that may just crash and burn anyway. What should I do?? Please help!

-Tiffany

Answer

I understand that it is a family matter and I believe that you need to settle it with your husband. Also you are now tied with your husband so don't aspire anymore with your ex. What you can do? First, cultivate spirituality as a couple. How? Try to read this: http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/wp20111101/cultivate-spirituality-as-a-couple/

Second, show consideration for one another. &ldquo;Two are better than one,&rdquo; states Ecclesiastes 4:9. Why? Because, explains verse 10, &ldquo;if one of them should fall, the other one can raise his partner up.&rdquo; Do you &lsquo;raise your partner up&rsquo; with expressions of appreciation? Try to told your husband  eventually how you are affected by this situation. Maybe your husband endeavors to be more communicative in this regard.

TRY THIS: List ways that you feel your mate can make your present situation a little easier, and have your husband do the same. Then switch lists. Each of you should select one or two suggestions that can realistically be implemented.

Third, have a balance schedule. &ldquo;For everything there is an appointed time,&rdquo; wrote wise King Solomon. (Ecclesiastes 3:1) What new activities can you try? It could be something as simple as reading to each other or as challenging as learning a new language. Having a life together outside the illness will strengthen your &ldquo;one flesh&rdquo; bond&mdash;and increase your happiness.

Another aid to maintaining balance is being in the company of others. The Bible states at Proverbs 18:1: &ldquo;One isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing; against all practical wisdom he will break forth.&rdquo;  By contrast, periodic association with others can lift your spirits and help restore mental perspective. Why not take the initiative to invite someone to visit you?

Lastly, Try to Maintain a Positive Outlook. The Bible warns: &ldquo;Do not say: &lsquo;Why has it happened that the former days proved to be better than these?&rsquo;&rdquo; (Ecclesiastes 7:10) So avoid dwelling on what might have been. Remember that in this world, all happiness is limited in some way. The key here is to accept your situation and make the best of it.

Do not assume that your mate wants to be spoken to in the same  manner that you are used to. (Philippians 2:3, 4) When discussing challenging issues, learn to attack the problem&mdash;not your husband&rsquo;s character. 

What can help you and your mate in this regard? Discuss your blessings together. Take delight in even the smallest improvements in your health. Find things to look forward to, and set reachable goals together.  &ldquo;Do not discourage yourself by thinking about things that you can no longer do. Keep a positive outlook. Even if you both have the hope of returning to a normal routine someday, concentrate for now on your life as it is.

Maintain a sense of humor. Take your mate&rsquo;s concerns seriously, but learn to laugh at your own blunders. Seize opportunities to make your mate rejoice during your first year of marriage. (Deuteronomy 24:5) Above all, allow God&rsquo;s Word to guide your relationship. If you do, your marriage will grow stronger year after year.

Should I leave my fiance!??

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