My father was never really in my life and I found out that he had another family. He has 3 other kids.. All are older than me. My father died 4 years ago. I don't know if he told them about me. I found 2 of them on Facebook. I really want to know them and contact them, but the youngest of them is a senior in high school, like me. I don't want to shock them if they don't know about me. I know this was big news for me, but I am excited to have sibling considering I went all this time thinking it was just me, I just worry they'll be mad or unwelcoming. I mean what if only the older 2 know about me and the younger one doesn't? Should I try to contact the older one? Would it be wrong to spontaneously message them that I'm their half sister? Would they be mad that my mom was really the reason I didn't spend much time with our father? Even though I know he tried to see me and check up on how I'm doing, but my mom hid all of this from me.. It's not my fault for not seeing him, my mom kind of hid him from me even hough he lived just 30 minutes away. I just need advice on whether I should message them, and if so.. say what?? Has anyone ever been through something remotely close to this situation?
Responses (1)
Yes, you should make contact, I think you need to. You must however give this lots of thought and planning. You have no idea what your father did about this. He may have told his other family but there is also an equal chance that he did not. He lived half an hour from you and yet there was little to no contact. If you are 17 and have 3 older siblings then he was in a relationship with your mother not long after his other wife had given birth to his other kids. It is messy. The chances are, he effectively lied to all of you. This has the potential to cause utter chaos and devastation for all concerned and this is his fault not yours.
With respect, you are only 17 and the situation facing you is complex and requires careful navigation if any chance of a successful outcome is to be achieved. Your mother may not be of any help either. Sooner or later she is going to have to explain the reason you had little contact with your father. If he tried to see you and she stopped him then you have the right to know why.
What I think you should do is get some help. You need to do some research because out there somewhere there are charities and organizations whose sole purpose is to help young people such as yourself. Find one of them and seek advice. Often such services are charitable and if they are not they will be able to put you in touch with one that is. Do this alone and discretely. Don't tell your Mum yet and do not make contact with the other family. You must not do this alone. it is way to big a burden for such young shoulders to carry alone. Your parents, have between them, left a complete and utter mess and now you and your siblings are going to suffer the impact of their actions.
Good luck,
My father was involved with a not so good of crowd, but I understand he wasn't in too big of trouble because he still to look out for his other kids. My mom had good reasons of keeping him away, but you're right. I cannot do this alone. Thank you.