So I just got back from the doctors (my aunt is my doctor) and I got three shots. I also had to get my ears cleaned (because my wax is really dry, it builds up fast and my lobed are small giving me constant ear aches). I'm not scared of the doctor or even getting shots but whenever I have to get my ears cleaned I just lose it. I've had bad experiences with getting my ears cleaned and I remember when I was in kindergarten my doctor would yell at me if I squirmed when she stuck the plastic pick up my ear. I know it's unsafe but I can't help it. I've gotten better at it now but sometimes I'm still afraid I will end up pushing the doctor and making it worse. Usually I have to get my ear power sprayed with water that hurts a little but it kind of changes pain levels throughout and I start crying before they even put it in my ear. Especially when they bring out the cleaning stick I just lose it (I try to hold it back though). Sometimes when it doesn't even hurt I will still cry because I know there will be more coming. I'm starting to think I'm crying more out of fear of anyone going in my ears than the actual pain (which it does hurt a lot). The doctors don't realize how sore my ears get and how badly it hurts even if they say "oh it's just at the front let me get it real quick", my ear wax is literally a little Boulder stuck to my skin and ear hairs. I know it sounds gross but it's actually a real problem for me. I get my ear wax removed every 6 months under anesthesia but it comes back quick. Every time I go swimming I fear that if I stay underwater for too long that water will get in my ear and get trapped and I will have this raging ear ache for a week (which happens a lot). it makes it even worse that my aunt and mom joke about how I'm such a wimp when it comes to cleaning my ears but they don't understand how much it hurts and how much anxiety I get when the doctors have to clean them. I don't know if I'm making any sense right now. but I need help, I don't want to be a grown adult crying when they bring out the ear pick. please help I can't talk to anyone else about this :(