I am a nervous hesitant sort of person at this point of my life. I use to do jiu jiutsu since i was 13, and then i had to take a two year break (personal and family problems).
A year and a half ago I went back to continue my training. However, I am facing some major issues. These days I am mostly a hesitant, nervous sort of person, this reflects in my training. I am trying to deal with these issues because I really want to do well. I really like martial arts and want to be good at it.
In my last class, which is a more of a self defense based session. We were doing this wrist grab de fence, it was a one minute round and my opponent grabbed both of my wrists (I was the "victim").
I was suppose to defend myself but I totally freaked out. The moment he grabbed my wrists, I had this strong feeling of helplessness, fear and I "froze" on the inside. This is feeling so strong and spreads in my whole body; and I can't do anything. (sounds dramatic but I trying to be specific lol.)
I was sexually abused a lot as a kid and when I was 15 to 17(two years of continues abuse by the same person).
I know this is personal but this is exact feeling I had yesterday. I felt like that same helpless little girl and so, the activity seemed impossible. This has happened a many times while training. This is just the basics and the activities will become more intense and realistic.
People there are sweet, encouraging and tolerant; so it's not like anyone's being mean or anything.
I don't want to quit because it's hard. I really like going there and I want to do a go job of it.
Also, I use go to councellor before, should I start again for these issues. Cos this affect me in my daily life. For instance, the dodgy creepy guys that girls have to face at times... Or is it just something that I can sort out myself.
Cheers,
Princess :)
