I've been dating a man for 3 months. We live an hour away. We are both divorced and in our 40's. He calls me every night and he texts me every day. We get along great. See each other at least once a week. Alternate towns. He's very busy with his kids they're a bit younger then mine. I've met them once. He's met mine. I love him, but he told me he doesn't know if he can ever love again. He feels a lot of pain from divorce and guilt about the kids. It's been 3 yrs since his divorce. He acts like he loves me. I said we can discuss again in the future. But am I wasting my time?
Answers (1)
It's hard to know if you're wasting your time or not. If you're enjoying the relationship, and the amount you see each other is enough, then it never needs to change. You're probably wanting to be with him more, and he probably is too. Before the step of moving in together, have either of you offered to move to the other's town, so that you can spend more time together? That might be a good next step.
Personally, I'd rather have actions than words.
He probably doesn't want to move for the same reasons as you. I think your worry is that by the time all the kids are grown and out, he still won't want more that what you have now (and he'll tell you then, "hey, I told you I didn't want more"), and by then, you'll be X years older. Life is hard without a working crystal ball.
You need to decide whether to take the gamble. From what you said, he's showing how much he cares, even if he won't say it. I'd bet that once the kids aren't the anchors they are now, you'll both want to be together, but then, my stakes aren't as high as yours.
Thanks I feel a little better.
I'll try to be more patient.
He made it seem that it was too soon for him to discuss anything else. As far as moving in. I feel I have an obligation to my kids right now to stay put. My son is graduating high school and my daughter will be a junior in high school. I would feel better seeing him more often and also knowing how he truly feels about me. He is very closed mouthed. His actions speak way louder. I just want reassurance. I don't know how to ask for it without seeming needy.
Thanks for the response.