I'm only 13 about to be 14, and my mother is a alcoholic and has been for the past 8 years and was abusive and just wasn't there all the time. She just slept, drank, and yelled. My parents are getting divorced and right now my dad has full custody and was a alcoholic. He went through phases of drinking. He would get drunk off his ass for 2 weeks straight and go party every night or go to some bar and then be clean for a month and say he won't ever drink again but then he goes through the phase again. He's clean rn but now he has a girlfriend. (Keep in mind my parents aren't even divorced fully yet) And he's with her all the time. It's like I'm not even there. Last night we had dinner at my grandparents house and of course like always he invited her and her daughter. And he talked to them the whole time. He doesn't even look at me! I tried to say something to him about 4 times I even tapped him but he just plain ignored me. And then at dinner he was talking to his girlfriends daughter and he called her 'his girl' and acting all close with her and then called me by my first name and acted like I was just some annoying fly he had to deal with. (My dad and his gf have been dating for 4 months) and so when I try and talk to him about how I'm feeling he just walks away saying I'm childish and that I'm just trying to make him feel bad and that he wants to merge our family someday. Am I just over reacting? What should I do?
Answers (4)
Hi Hannah, it sounds like you have quite a tough home environment right now. Your dad appears to be excited by these new people in his life and they are naturally taking some of his attention away from you. I wouldn't get too upset by this one dinner incident, but if it starts to become the norm, it might be an idea to find a good moment to discuss with your father how you can spend "quality time" together, e.g. a particular activity you can do regularly as a pair. Try to find other family members such as your grandparents, or else trusted friends, to develop emotional bonds with in addition to your parents. This will provide good longer-term support for you when things are difficult. Good luck :)
Not truly a child, but not an adult yet. Tough times.
Does your school have some sort of councilor? It might be worth asking them for advice. You may not want to bring unwanted attention to your family but the decisions you make it your life now may carry you far. You do not want this to mess up your education, unless you want to get good at saying "you want fries with that?".
As for the family, seems your father just want to move on and create a new family. As he is focusing on himself, so should you. look to your own future and focus on that.
If you truly wast to confront your father, asking him to see you about his new family. State a time and place tell him to be there alone. Think clearly the things you want to say and the questions you have before hand, and during your meeting try to keep calm and unemotional.
But get advice from adults you trust first, not just randoms from the Internets.
Have you considered talking to your grandparents about this?
It was their dinner table surely they
noticed what was happening. I think you need to talk to them about the inconsistent parenting practices. If these grandparents are your dad's parents then you want to be careful how you talk about him. A lot of this sounds like jealousy of the potential step-sister. You want to refocus on your psychological need to have a guardian who is there to talk to who is interested in your emotions and problems. You need their help and possibly see if they would be willing to let you move in with them or go stay with them on weekends.
Good luck!