So basically my life is messed up pretty bad. I'm a Pakistani Muslim and come from a good family, my mum's a good woman and my dad is a religious man. I'm the youngest child and my siblings are married (I'm 13 by the way) and they are a lot older than me. I'm a bright student and attend an Islamic girls school. This should be good enough and I am not being ungreatful but my life is pretty messed because :

- Firstly I attend an Islamic school and am in eighth grade, I just moved from one class to the other one (there are only two classes) because my first one was extremely dirty minded and misbehaved, however this one is just as rowdy and teachers also complain about this one. After an incident involving the other class after i had moved , the headteacher took drastic action and made a 'plan' for the other one. Now the old class is well behaved and this one is becoming worse by the day.

- Secondly the girls are bossy and treat me like their slave. I dont have any friends and i just don't know how to say no when I am asked to do something. I have some friends but they are always hitting and punching and are more like bullies than actual friends. My mum thinks this is my fault and that I need to oget a grip and put my head down - I have tried and it is really hard.

-Thirdly I feel my mother loves her grandson more than me, I don't know why but I love her grandson (my nephew) aswell but sometimes I feel jealous and wish he wasnt here.

-Fourthly I am a bright student and come almost always top of the class, however I dont have much confidence and self belief because of my I weigh a lot and people treat me as a slave, my grades are dropping and I am beginning to have no enthusiasm at school.

Fifthly I am obese, I weigh more than all my siblings - I weigh eleven stone and I am five foot. I have tried many diets but have a HUGE family of cousind and ainties who are very , very close , I see all my cousind every day and all of my six aunties live on the same street as me. I t is virtually impossible to lose weight.

Sixthly I love books , but I am not allowed to read book with any sex , kissing are anything at all that involves sexual behaviour , I am really interested to read about this so I make up stories involving sex in my head , I cannot tell my mum because she would kill me as she is a strong muslim woman.

Seventhly I lie to my mother all the time and am moody and irritable, when my mother or father ask mre if I have prayed my prayer I lie and say yes. I used to be close to my mother but not anymore. My father is unwell and I hardly communicate with him because he is extremely devoted to Islam and works hard to pay for my school fees.

Eighthly I enjoy watching programmes I should not be and my mother only allows CBBC , I especially enjoy watching sexual behaviour.

Lastly, I get heart palpitations and the blood tests came back fine , I am positive it is not because of anxiety even though it may seem so.

I feel as if many of my actions are because I crave attention and I bottle everything up and am a excellent liar. I believe I could get into Oxford and want to but I know I will not be allowed because of my Islamic background.