... to him or with him!! I have a 14 year old son from a prior relationship that ended 13 years ago and I feel he needs to learn how to be handy so I bought some building materials and decided to build a workout room in the back yard with my son. My husband does not know how to build anything because he lived a very sheltered life and his mom basically took him shopping rather then get dirty and if something broke around the house dad just called someone to come fix it. me on the other hand was raised around building things getting dirty and if something breaks I had to fix it. I was a single mom up till 4 years ago so I'm very independent which my husband loves but when he found out I'm doing this project with my son he is giving me a really hard time. I asked if he wants to help and he says nope. What should I do. Am I overreacting when I tell him he's being selfish. Why is he acting like this? We have a 1 year old together but I am very good at juggling my attention around. I will spend quality time with my daughter and then my quality time with my son is doing this project. My husband works out while I'm hanging with my daughter and when he's done I say I'm going outside with my son and he just makes me feel like shit. He tells me my priorities are messed up and I'm making him stay in the house on baby duty. I tell him to come outside and he says why so I can chase our daughter around!!! What the hell is going on? Why is he acting like this??
My husband has something negetive to say about everything I do unless it's doing something for him,?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by Deepmindz
- Topics:
- year, husband, feel, relationship, learn, old, years, everything, relationships, son
Responses (1)
I am sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar with my ex husband. Blending families turned out to be way more complicated than I realized it would be.
If you can find a good counselor, that might be a good place to start. There are also a lot of great books on Amazon about blending families. I don't know about your husband, but mine acted outright jealous of the special times I had with my older sons. I didn't get it, and I guess I still don't. I think it's very important that you have those times with your kids, and it seems too bad that your husband doesn't seem to like it.
Have you tried making sure that you have time set aside just for your husband with out interruptions? Perhaps a set time each day? I tried dropping everything to go to bed with my husband. He retired much earlier than me, so I would talk with him and spend time alone with him showing him love and attention, and then after he fell asleep, go back to finishing my housework. Unfortunately, even though I bent over backwards trying to please him, he never could be pleased and ended up filing for divorce. He changed after he started taking antidepressants, and went downhill from there. I hope you and your husband can get the help we couldn't get. My ex may even be bipolar. Any of those conditions can make a marriage feel like an uphill battle.
There are so many things to consider when blending families. It can be very difficult to adjust to for the one who's not used to the large family. Perhaps your husband thought it would always feel like the honeymoon, where he got all of your attention, or got too used to date nights with out the kids, and the realities of parenting have finally set in. Perhaps he underestimated how time consuming each child can be, even the older ones need our attention. Perhaps he had false assumptions about his role as the father. What ever he is thinking needs to be discussed openly. Problems can't be solved if no one admits that there is a problem. It takes a lot of time, it takes trusting each other to being open with each of your feelings, and it probably will need outside help.
Hang in there. You're not alone. Just take it one day at a time. Try to let him know how it makes you feel when he acts the way he does, and encourage him to do the same, so that discussions can evolve. Journaling is great. It's where you both write down what your feeling each day, on a given topic or any topic, and you read each others and discuss. It's an attempt to share feelings in a loving way.
I wish you all the luck. I know it's not easy. And if you are of the praying sort, don't forget to ask God for His help.