Hello to all, and I'd like to thank everyone who offers advice in advance. I'm 18 and have have been going out with my girlfriend for around 4 months, but we've had history dating for the last year. Recently she told me that she is severely depressed. She has tried cutting herself once before and the image of it makes me truly ill, miserable and cold inside. She is the love of my life and I really don't know how to help her. She is adopted, and her foster father died two years back. She feels insecure about her appearance, friendships and accomplishments. She drinks too much on nights out and always breaks into tears. She has promised to quit drinking for the unforeseen future but I fear that depriving her of her only form of escapism will do more bad than good. We're in different colleges so I don't get to see her as much as I'd like to. She has told me that she goes through perpetual stints of over whelming sadness and that she doesn't feel that she deserves to be happy. I feel like she isn't telling me the full extent of her depression in fear of making me worried or upset, or even of me breaking up with her which would never happen. She says she loves me and I try my best to occupy the time we spend together with novel activities like making dinner, concerts or taking a walk up the mountains but whenever I leave her by herself melancholy consumes her again. She is truly beautiful and no matter what I say she brushes it off and doesn't take it to heart. The only other person who knows about her condition is her mum. She made me promise not to mention her condition to anyone and I'm finding it so difficult to handle alone. I need advice because although she assures me otherwise, I'm terrified in case she attempts self harm again. She was on medication before and is now off it, and I don't think being there for her is enough. I know visiting a doctor is essential but what can I do to help?
My girlfriend has depression and I don't know how to help?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by shyness93
- Topics:
- girlfriend, depression, advice, month, help
Responses (1)
Crap for a second I thought you were my boyfriend writing this. Hopefully i can help because I suffer from depression, I'm a girl, I have self injured myself, and I have also been adopted. Adopted children are much more likely to be depressed. I think personally the feeling of abandonment triggers it. So knowing that may help you understand why she is the way she is. It can also be genetics but I don't think he can know that unless the adoption was open.
Okay I feel really inspired for you to help her stop drinking. It is an AWFUL thing to do when depressed, you put yourself into a worse depression when doing any form of drugs or alcohol. Any. Even "harmless" drugs like marijuana. Please please please try to help her in that regard. You aren't doing her any favours for allowing that behaviour.
Her major drinking is really only replacing her former practice of cutting. It's her way of relieving the pain she feels. I scratch my arms until they bleed, or I used to, because the pain I felt inside was so unbearable, I needed to have some sort of control. I couldn't even control my feelings but I could control the pain on my arms. And for some sick reason it's comforting. Also when you have depression you can go through times of not feeling anything at all, so you hurt yourself to bring out any feeling.
Be adamant about wanting to help her, and letting her know you love her, that is something I wish my boyfriend would do. When I told him I hurt myself and thr I've even thought of suicide a couple times, he didn't seem nearly as cOncerned as a boyfriend should. He doesn't talk to me often and I feel abandoned by him. It was awful, like being let down by someone you trust. He's not a sensitive guy and he probably doesn't know how serious I am, but he should be more caring. I think it'd help her tremendously of you let her know she isn't alone in her feeling, that you want to understand and listen, and you will always be there. Keep Reenforcing that because it takes a while to sink in. She should try therapy and if she can't control her feelings or bouts of depression she should go back in meds.
I really hope this helps. Send my love from a fellow adopted child. I know the pain that can bring. Good luck to both of you