My ex is a leo and I am a taurus. We brokeup countless times because I am the one who keep asking for it but we got back together many times too. We almost been together for 2 years and although we breakup, we still greet each other on our anniversary. He still call me 'babe' and hate it when I call him by his name, he said calling by his name is normal that even a friend can do so. I cant feel love, to be specific, I cant let love in. I know that he loves me very much and I sometimes do feel like my heart is aching when I hurt him but I cant really tell that if I love him. I like him, thats obvious and I want to be with him all the time, get his attention and so on. He told me that I do love him so do not give up on our relationship. But the problem is I also feel like wanting him to get more close female friends, hurt him by words and actions. I know I am terrible but sometimes I just cant help it. He scolded me for being childish and we had many terrible fight. He will always say sorry first but recently he gave up apologising first unless I do. He said I need to be teach and stop being a control queen. So I ignore him for days and I miss him. He did text me although I ignore him but his texts are not like before desperately hoping me not to ignore him. I know he is tired of me and so I keep asking him to do the no contact rule with me but he refused. I tried to do so but I always failed at the end. He treats me coldly compared to before and seldom say out his feelings to me like he used to. Does this mean he gives up on me and start to move on? If so, should I chase him back or just let him go for his own sake? What can I do to stop finding him? I already memorized his phone number so it is really hard, please help !