My boyfriend (of 8 months) just told me, a little over a week before my birthday that he was too poor to get me anything for my birthday. "i didn't plan far enough in advance to save up." I told him that that was fine and kinda emphasized that I didn't expect anything from him anyways. He said he felt bad, yada yada, so I felt bad about kinda being hard and went into a speech about its not about materialistic things. But I still feel kinda hurt that he doesn't even wanna put in the effort to try to get me a cheap thoughtful gift and didn't even consider sending a card until I suggested it. (So i think im getting a card) I feel like I'm not being fair, he's 19 and goes to college and its a long distance relationship and doesn't have the money to send a $5 gift through the mail for $3 shipping.
Answers (1)
Permit me to start with a bit of info, and then we'll get to the question.
As far as I've come to know, guys in general put less stock in bday celebrations. They'll send the socially appropriate 3 word greeting to fill up the fb page, and that's pretty much all. When it comes to their gfs, some will go out of their way to reach the perceived standards (or based on their perception of women's standards) through an expensive gift. In your case, he gets a few points for remembering (have you known each other IRL prior? Whilst the first few months of a long distance relationship are intense, there's a major deflation over time), a few deducted for the excuse. I'm not sure whether he's actually the kind to plan a grandiose gesture, or to not pay heed and remiss in memorising.
Now, relationships are balanced by give & take. You have elected to internalize your distress to assuage his, rather than reach a mutual understanding; as I see it, you did not want for an expensive object, but a thoughtful memento. You must state your will explicitly, rather than through an elaborate process of logical elimination, to ascertain the message is received on the other end. A card isn't bad, but a little bland. Personally, I've been quite fond of meaningful gestures: baked & decorated cakes (then sent pictures thereof; consider this an essential skill), created assortments of (shippy) hand crafts detailing a particular aspect of the relationship, etc.
This is not the regular social fairness, quantified and measured. If you feel hurt, something probably can be done differently. Sometimes you opt to bear certain fixed idiosyncrasies for a greater purpose; however, if you constantly use it as a first resort, you're bound to pile up resentment where you could've given the lad easy opportunities to gratify himself by pleasing you.
Postscript: I'm a little ashamed / amused to have read that title as "pregnant" at a glimpse.