She has been on meds now for a year, but she still gets her highs. Right now she is into religion, or she was and it's waning. Now she is having sex online and sexting/phone sex. I am 25 and I live with her for the time being. I am engaged and she hasn't been with my father (divorced) for 6 years. Her behavior is enraging. I do not behave intimately with my fiance with her at home, and I feel she deserves NO respect from me, and it is obvious she has no respect to me. When I address problems with her she laughs at me and blatantly ignores it. Her only friend she has was the one that got her going to church (but like I said, that is starting to fade now that she has online "suitors") and she behaves glaringly different from her friend to her work friends, depending on who they are. One friend is slightly vulgar, so my mom responds in kind. The religious friend gets my mom saying "gosh, darn, etc.". This is driving me crazy. I want and need to move out, and I am getting on my feet financially. My mother always provided me with a very liberal childhood and adolescence. She spoken openly about sex and life but coddled me and bought my attention through gifts (much like my father, which she'll vehemently deny). My father got engaged 2 years ago and I think that was the spark for her. I just need advice and some outside perspective on this. Thanks.
Responses (3)
Parents !!!
She has her own crisis + can't even see
the effect she is having on u..(or others)
Don't b 2 offended.
As an adult u can move forward in yr life.
U have 2 choices ........
1. Stay +tolerate the situation -knowing
u will b moving on soon.
Or..
2. Move out now +begin yr own life.
Either way..Yr mum needs 2 'sort out' her
problems herself.
Mayb u living yr own life will force her 2
consider her own.(??)
There are quite some things that you can do, with all of them having their down- and upsides. I hope that this will help you with your problem and that this situation will be over soon. If you have questions, please write them down and maybe I will be able to help you. Personally, I did not go through this kind of situation, but two of my closest friends did. So I kind of talk out of experience.
Firstly, get involved and seek help. If you decide to do this, seek a family doctor's advice. I did this once and it helped. Ask him, or her, that your mother is destroying her life and that you are determined to help her. The downside of this is that she might get mad at you and stop all contact with you. But considering her style of life and yours, that wouldn't be too bad, since she'll make up her mind soon enough.
The second thing is to do nothing and simply move away. You can hope that she'll change her 'habits', but she most likely will not. Being an adult, you can do this without any hassle, as 1acarol said and there is nothing she can do about it.
The third thing is to tolerate the situation. This is for the lazy people. I hope that you do not belong in this group. If you do this, though, be prepared to see her destroy herself and at the end you'll either have to go to step one or two. So this will not solve anything. So, basically, this is not recommended since you'll only prolong the problem. My advice to you, is to have a long talk with her and say that she can either accept help, or never see you again and her life destroyed slowly. You might introduce the fact that you have a problem with her swearing later on, too. But don't start with it, since she might say that you'll be out of her life soon anyways.
I hoped this helped you and let me know,
first i think whether you like your mother or not you still need to respect her, maybe she has her own issues in her life the best you can do is pursue her to see a counselor it can also be as an effect of her divorce with your father try to understand her i know its hard but just be patient.Regarding that you want to move i support go your in the right age now to do so and be independent its really hard to have that kind of parent but we dont have a choice they are still our parents