I'm the youngest in my family--I'm a girl and i have two brothers. We've been a very close knit family until recently despite the fact that we've spent a large part of our family life in different countries--my brothers went to high school in a different country and then college so i was ten when we were last together and once I left for college as well we could be found in at least three different countries at any one time, and yet I never felt distant from them. I'm a very reserved person, hardly having one or two close friends at a time, but i considered my siblings my closest friends so i didn't feel lonely.
Now both my brothers are married and things feel weird, but I definitely feel more affected by my eldest brother's marriage--he was was the one I was really close to, we would always be together as kids--he was like a cross between my dad and brother, and he was probably the person i cared about/respected the most in the world.
He got married in the beginning of the year and I've just felt so...abandoned since. and I'm not clingy or demanding--I am very well aware of the change in priorities one undergoes after marriage. I stepped back to allow him time for his new family once he was married (we are the only two in our family in the same country and we used to hang out a lot) and I've never been more independent because I don't want to bother him with worrying about me. Not being around for long stretches of time, even years, I'm used to. But its the emotional distance that depresses me. It gets wider and wider and now its like he's hardly there. I feel like an inconvenience when I do try to reach out to him. It's like the further I move from him to give him some space, the more difficult it is to get back.
I think what made it all worse is that my sister in law is very reserved and possessive, which hasnt helped with the situation.
i could never imagine feeling antagonist towards my but now i have moments where i do. And it's gotten to a point that when we do get together, I lock up and I feel like its very difficult for me to talk to him comfortably, and the conversation dwindles. Its like we have nothing to say anymore even though I miss him so much.
I can't really talk to anyone because none of my friends has dealt with this, and my mom and dad are in different country, my second brother is an ocean away too. I sorely feel the lack of a sister, especially as an adult. I think sisters tend to stick together more later in life (just an observation, I know its not definite).
I just wondered if anyone ever felt this way? Is this what every adult resigns themselves to at one point in their life? Or is it abnormal that I feel this deeply affected? This is just something I haven't heard many people talk about, so I don't know what to think and I feel so weird just typing it out because I sound clingy or too emotionally demanding and I've never been labeled any of those things. I just don't know.
