Long distance relationships, and the future?

Question

This will take some explaining, so thank you to anyone who reads this and responds.

I've been talking to a girl I met online for almost two years now. We started talking in a group chat, but when the community fell apart we continued talking, and still do to this day. The longer we talked, we noticed how much we have in common with each other, we've always been like mirror-images of each other, thinking and feeling the same things and often reacting to situations in similar ways. My point is, we're very close and we spend a lot of time talking, doing video calls and gaming, and we both really care about each other and love each other. We talk about everything, we've had arguments and we've pulled through and learned from them.

The unfortunate and painful reality is, she lives in the United States and I like in the UK.

I'm graduating from university soon, and although we both really hope we can meet each other soon, and fantasise about everything we'd do together, we're worried we might never meet each other, let alone go further with our relationship, despite quite literally feeling like soul mates.

I'm not looking for answers such as "it's not worth it" or "find someone else" or anything of that nature. We've both thought a lot about it and we understand the risks of what we're trying to accomplish. This question is just me trying to plan for the future, so I know what my goals should be for the future to try and make this happen.

All I'm asking for is, if we do manage to meet and we still feel the connection between us, what would be the best way for one of us to live with the other, either in the UK or USA? I know the emotional implications of this, but I'm just looking for the cold, hard facts when it comes to, effectively, migrating as a post-graduate to live with someone in another country, including something like finding a job that fits my degree there. I thought asking here would be a good idea, since I don't know what else to do and thinking about it isn't solving anything. I've tried researching online, but I feel like I'd rather put my trust in a real person here, who's been through something similar and can give some advice from the other side. Maybe someone has some experience with this sort of thing, either from the relationship side, or the migration side. Thanks in advance for any serious replies.

Answer

This is fraught with all kinds of problems as I'm sure you know: citizenship, employment, families, long term career etc etc.  I dont know what kind of careers you both have or whether your degrees fit the requirements for other countries but its not just your career that is of concern but hers also.

Have you done a cost comparison of what you each would make in your careers in the others country?

You've known each other 2 years.  In that time the two of you couldn't have gotten a part time job and each of you set aside half the amount then pooled your money and whoever could travel the cheapest go visit the other???

I'm not saying you can't meet and form a bond the way you have.  A bunch of years ago i found a women's chat room online and a bunch of us got friendly and we were scattered all over Canada and the US.  I hit it off with one of the ladies and she invited me to come see her in Canada.  We've been friends for nearly 20 years.  So you can meet people in odd ways.  Her husband and my friends all thought we were nuts but it turned out well.

It's an entirely different thing being friends online than it is living with someone or marrying them which is what you seem to be thinking.  How do they treat their family and friends; how do they handle money; what are their religious beliefs; how many kids do they want and what kind of parenting skills do they have; do they like to socialize or travel and if so how and where; how do they handle stress and deal with anger; how is their health will I be a care giver; do they like pets and what kind, etc etc. Those are the things you need to know that are more important than we both love sushi and hate blue grass music.

I'd say absolutely one of you visits but don't put all your eggs in one basket.  That visit will be exciting happy, fun, romantic, and probably perfect.  It will tell you nothing.  But it will be a beginning and you finally see your person in the light of day.

Consider one of you moving in with the other depending on the laws for 6 months and see how it goes.  No hard feelings if a marriage doesnt result but a lifelong friendship does.

Best of luck on your adventure!

Answer

I've not been through this but i would like to say that it was maybe you were destined to talk to her because not everyone talks for such a long period of time. There were many fights between you two but you guys figured a way out of that which is probably very nice i would suggest you not to leave her and meet her so you two can figure out what things can be done......Lastly I would like to conclude by  saying that find a good job and make her feel proud.....

Long distance relationships, and the future?

Answers (3)