I feel sure that I have a narcissistic mother although it has taken quite a while to realize it. It’s Christmas and she has nothing to do with her side of the family, but that is awkward for me, as when growing up I had lots to do with them including going on many holidays.
My mother can’t get on with anyone and she has fallen out with more or less anyone she gets in contact with. I understand her side of the family are far from perfect, but I’ve come to realize she can have an issue with anyone and everyone, again today including me.
“Everyone is out to get me” , “I’ll never forgive you for this and that”. Raging with eyes that show no empathy. I’ve never felt loved by my mother and although these rages are not so common, it’s Christmas and she really upset me and my dad and couldn’t care less.
She then starts getting aggressive and in your face when you’re trying to talk normally, just because I don’t agree with everything she is saying.
My father can’t stand up to her and she ends up getting what she wants by basically brainwashing herself. It’s always about her, her and she doesn’t seem to care who she hurts, and come big occasions this seems to happen.
I’m not sure how best to deal with this, but she has gone off and caused a huge row today, the day after Christmas. Because I traveled to my aunts and uncles, where my Nan was having Christmas (who she has fallen out with). She knows I am close still to my aunt (she use to leave me there most weekends which I enjoyed), I also spent many holidays there. I’ve tried to explain that I want to remain close even though she has issues with them (they are quite trivial). She seems to partly accept this, but can easily go crazy like today.
She has OCD according to psychiatrists, but she went to many, as she didn’t probably hear what she wanted. I’ve read about narcissism and sadly she seems to fit this perfectly in many areas. The out of control rages when she isn’t getting her way, the idea that everyone is out to get her, the lack of any empathy, the cruelness, the inability to get on with anybody. She has certainly left me with many issues to deal with in my adult life, but it feels even worse because my dad ends up agreeing with her ridiculous attitudes as though she brainwashes him.
My mother does have a good side – she buys the food for the house and keeps me clothed and feed at my adult age. But I really believe many of the problems I am facing are due to the way she has been with me growing up – and today was just a remembrance from past events – the rages, anger, all about her with no consideration about me or my father.
I tried not to get upset, but in the end, its Christmas and this shouldn’t be happening. I’m not sure how best to deal with it. She will probably work her magic on my father and try and get rid of me, which is nothing I can stop – I’m an adult. But with what has happened, the people she keeps on blaming all the time, whilst not perfect, clearly don’t have the real issue – she does.
Trying to get this of my chest isn’t easy, but I’m just trying to think of how best to deal with this situation. I’m trying not to continue feeling upset and depressed, and hope for any advice her. But it’s the last year or two when I’ve come across what narcissism actually is, and I strongly think this is what she might be.