Interview question "tell me about your self" is this a good answer?

Question

Hi 

I've not had a lot of interviews and would like your help to get the answer for the above question right. 
my company has ranks for promotions e.g. - rank 1, rank 2, rank 3. 

I'm a rank 2 at the moment and will be applying for a rank 3. I wrote the below answer and would like you to have a read and tell me how I can improve it. wasn't sure if I should mention that I worked in construction. I needed a flexible job as I was taken care of my mom at the time and in that job it was 1 day contract each day and I could leave and come back at anytime. 

I'm also not sure if I provided enough details in the answer. the job is an MI analyst role, where we have to gather information about different processes, see how much work is coming in and how many colleague hey will need, if they are out of deadline or not. and we will also be supporting other teams of simplifying the way they do this, e.g. using excel formula, VBA code, etc.. 

below is my answer and Thanks your for taking the time to read it and respond:

"I graduated in computing Technology in 2012, and started working as a construction operative for 2 and a half years, in 2015 I started working for "company name" as a temporary colleague and at the start of this year I became a rank 2 permanent colleague. 

Through my time within the company I worked for the savings department,offshore support and Fraud department, in everyone of those team I was responsible of recording the MI, making spreadsheets to simplify the process and track patterns in the work to see if there is room for improvements. 

an example would be in the savings department we had over 600 cases that are outside the deadline and I was asked by my manager to see what is causing the delays and how we can improve the process, I found that the were under 18 and the forms were filled in by the parent not registered in our system, so we added a section in our letter to advise that the parent registered with us should fill in the form, and withing 3 months the number of cases that are outside the deadline went down to 150. 

I believe I'm the right candidate for this job as I hold the right skills required and have knowledge in various processes within the business"

Answer

Yeah your answer is correct you can tell like this. But try to keep it simple and straight forward.

Answer

I would not go into a work history.  It sounds like a resume and they have that information in your personnel file.  So as far as I'm concerned it's a waste of valuable time where you can do get down to it about how good you are.

Your example of how you were tasked to solve a problem and found an answer is excellent!  That's what you want to push.  That ability to gather the data and solve the problem.  Great example!  At the end don't just say it ended with 150 still outstanding.  That ends on an underlying negative note.  Yes the outstanding dropped dramatically but there was still a pile of them.  Instead of giving the number still outstanding why not end on a big positive note and say you improved the rate of on time applications by 400 % (or whatever the percentage was)!  Thats a big bang of positive. 
 Then move to next topic.  It says the same thing only its all positive not a covert negative.

You are selling you, so go for the gold.  If you don't blow your own horn nobody else will.

On that note the very last paragraph needs to be inflated.  Its a nice statement but boring.  EVERYBODY they interview will convey the same thing.  Tell them 3 important skills they need for that position then tell them they can have those skills by choosing you because you've got them.  Short sweet and an ending reminder that they are looking at the person who has and can do what they need.

Best of luck and go get it tiger!

Interview question "tell me about your self" is this a good answer?

Responses (2)