. I don't know if it's depression or what is wrong with me. but every night I go to sleep I will lay awake until this time "4am" tonight and think about death. I inadvertently look for wysiwyg to take my mind away from it but that just passes time until I want to try and sleep again and start the process of thinking horrible thoughts again. how there is no purpose in life. and even to find purpose is just a means to an end. how death is around every corner. how I'll miss my brother and how he would miss me if one of us we're to perish. how if we have reason to be here and if we all have purpose than that purpose was predisposed meaning our futures havery already been planned in which case there rdally is no future but just a book that has already been written and read. sometimes I think about immortality sometimes I think of those who have already died and wonder how they felt during there last moments and if those feelings would ever surmount to something more after they are dead and gone. no matter how hard I try or what I do i always end the night with horrid thoughts replaying themselves in my head sometimes in three different strains of thought almost as if I'm talking three times at once and I go mad. I sit up in bed and start crying sobing quietly to myself. I wonder why me why must I have to think this way. why can't I be ignorant. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way and I'm told these thoughts fade over time. but I just don't see that happening and I'm willing to try anything just to stop this vicious cycle. please anyone and everyone tell me what i can do I've tried so much from music to animal noises to rain sounds. melatonin. copious amounts of weed ( which kinda helps but is not a legal form of mental stability as far as I'm aware in alberta canada.) and so I look unto thee for answers. help a guy out.. end the cycle