I know these thoughts are not healthy. I am going to my doctors tomorrow and I don't know how much to tell her. I don't want to be committed but I do want help. If I tell my doctor everything will or could my doctor involuntary commitment me to a psychiatric facility.
I sort of had a mental breakdown over the weekend. I have financial, family, and school stresses. I left my husband and went to stay with my parents. I have been a nursing student for about 2 years and a stay at home mom for over 13 years. My husband loves that I have no way to support myself (he has me under his thumb). We are having many marital issues that have been going on for years. I have 4 children with him and if I left for good, I have no way to support myself or my kids. On top of that his son also lives with us and wanted to go with me when I left. While I was staying with my parents, my mother and I started arguing. I felt like I was trapped. I just started screaming and felt like I might not be able to stop.
I got in my car, went to tell my children that I love them. I had a choice of my husband’s pistol or a few bottles of pills. I chose the pills because I couldn't find the key to the lock box where the gun is kept. I decided to drive a few hours away and find a spot to park my car where no one would find me. I took a few sleeping pills just to get sleepy. I planned on taking the rest of the pills (sleeping, pain killers, ect. about 60 different pills) after I was close to falling asleep so that I wouldn't get sick. I started thinking about all the things I have learned in school and remembered that the pills most likely wouldn't kill me. They would hurt my liver or kidneys and that wasn't what I was wanting. I wanted to die not be in a hospital with liver failure. Once I started thinking about that I did not have the need to end everything but still started thinking about other ways I could kill myself in the event that I have another breakdown.
