I want to get married in Va. My mom won't sign consent can my dad if he dosent have custody of me?

You are asking a complicated question, and absolutely nobody will give you a straight answer. A man and a woman are married if they decide they are married. It is a natural condition, not a ceremony requiring anybody's permission.They are legally married if they make a public declaration, that is if they present themselves in public as husband and wife. They only reason anybody else is or should be concerned is that marriage promotes the stability of the society. The modern term "marriage", with a license, was invented shortly after the US civil war, specifically so it could be refused to couples of mixed races. That meant black and white, since no other race was affected by the official bigotry. In the modern system, a marriage is a three way corporation between a man, a woman, and the state, and the official purpose of such a three headed monster is to produce children. Illinois publishes, or used to publish, a pamphlet that says exactly that. It is by that avenue that the courts claim jurisdiction over the children. The state is a one third owner of the corporation that produced them!

So you are asking a question about legal status, not a family issue, but there is in fact a legal aspect in your family that should be considered. You can either cooperate with your mother's requirements or elope to a state with a lower age of majority. Or you can just move in with this guy and let everybody else figure out what to do about it.

See what I mean? No straight answers.