My boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs. I have a small temper, but I'm just a girl. We had a fun night drinking together at his house, he fell asleep on his couch and I went upstairs to wait for him, but I read his text messages... which i usually never do. I found a text to a random girl that said "your a babe" at 3 in the morning, and he was most likely drunk. I was really hurt by it, I never would do that to him, when I'm drunk I'm more conscious about my actions. But being drunk that night i was really upset and went to wake him up. I asked him "who was the babe, who was that, why would you do that" he wouldn't even wake up when I was talking to him, he had to go to bed anyways so i had to wake him up. But i was so angry I took his phone and slammed it on his chest. like a punch, Not too hard, enough to where he could feel it, but I don't hurt him. He was furious and slammed me down to the floor, squeezed my arms and hit me a lot, punching me. i kicked him for defense but he kept hitting me. At this point i was in shock because he was being so violent, it continued in his room he grabbed my face and slammed my body against the wall, when he did that he hurt my eye pretty badly, the contact fell out and my eyelid is bruised. I ran to my car to cry but couldn't drive because i was drunk. But he came out and was demanding me to get out of the car, threatening me and left dents in it from him punching it. I got out and went to bed with him. But slept no where near him, on the opposite side of the bed. I cried myself to sleep as he was telling me to shut up because i was being loud. and its my fault for hitting him first. He thinks I'm hypocritical because i hit him first. But when i hit him its like a girl. he hits me like a man, harder, and a lot more. I know its my fault for starting it, but Im just so hurt from that text. My eye, both arms and back are bruised. I left early in the morning the next day. He called 2 hours later not remembering anything. He doesn't understand what happened. and Im just appalled. I do feel like a hypocrite because i did hit him, but was it okay for him to go this far? He came over even though i told him not to, saying he was embarrassed doing this to me, he felt like he was set up bc i hit him while he was sleeping, he was apologizing to me. and its just so hard, i don't know what to do. He was drunk and vulnerable, but he totally crossed the line because I'm here with big bruises on both arms, and a bruised eye lid. We've had hitting problems before, a long time ago though. he tells me if i don't want to get hit back, i shouldn't hit him. but he hurts me so much more, i don't hit him back after, its not a fist fight or anything. Things just got out of control with him. I don't know if i should forgive him because he was drunk and i started it, or if this is really a problem. please help me. should i accept his apology, was everything really my fault, Its so hard for me to get rid of him, because we've been together for so long, did he cross the line?
Answers (104)
you need to leave him. never love someone that treats you like you're ordinary. never love someone that treats you like a punching bag. it does'nt matter if he was drunk or not that was no excuse. you're better than that and you deserve someone that will treat you right. its hard to get away from someone you've been with for so long but its for the best. good luck, stay strong xx
maybe you shouldn't cheat? God is number one, keep Him that way forever in all things. AMEN
Im only 23, and I'm going through the same thing. I went to a fete by myself and my boyfriend thinks I'm there with someone else, he grab me by my arms and we went to a silent spot to talk. He got me so upset and I slapped him. He then chocked me and I fell to the floor (with heels on) he then picked me up and punch me in my stomach and I started to vomit. I've been with this guy for three years as well and I don't know what to do. I'm a girl for Christ sake and he said the same to me "I shouldn't have hit him first" but how can a woman hit a man so hard to hurt him? What should I do. I really need help on this. I've been stressing allot and I'm only so young
this condition is very seriuos because girl is like a rose you have to care not to hit.if he loves u he never hit u.u hit him because u love and u show that you r the one in the world for him but he does not think that you r the one.he has for placement instead of you.actually he is a boxer not lover.kick him and find the best who cares u n only loves u not for placement.tell me what will hap with u after that ok.be bold think u can do not to be compled for......
If I was hit repeatedly by a woman and had black and blue eyes and body.... what would happen?? Should I leave her or will I be told it is all my fault and I should give her more gifts or something stupid like that
You may be a girl and you may not have hit him that hard, but you started it by putting your hands on him first. If the cops would have been called both of you would have went to jail because you put your hands on him first. If you don't want to be hit or anything try keeping your hands to yourself
im in a similar boat , my partner whom i have been with for 4 years, had a baby from who is now 11 months, basically i shouted at him for not being responsible with our son, decided to start punching me up like a man left fist marks on my face luckily he was holding our son or the damage would have been worse, its happened before but this time its like i can not forgive him! im 32 and have the strength to say NO!, but its like something is dragging me back to want to forgive him what should i do ? my other 2 older children were also present and witnessed all of this its a real shame because in realty his a nice guy but he said he saw Red...i do not get it. i must be stupid to think that it wouldn't happen again..but i feel like i have to walk on eggshells and im always neurotic he does the most stupid childish things..im stressed
A man should treat a woman how he would want a man to treat his mother or daughter. As for Jimmy, what kind of man goes on a domestic violence forum to argue a man’s point of view. I hope you argue all the injustices when it comes to equality between men and woman. I doubt it. You chose this site and this topic for a reason. Duh!
Yes you hit first +he was asleep.......BUT
to continue punching you like that ?
Then justify it ?
Verbally + physically abuse you ??
No way should he be doing that !!!!!
Change yr locks,have you got somewhere
else to go?? Repot him to the Police + get
an Restraining Order.
Change phone/ mobile numbers etc.......
You need to get away from him as soon as
you can.
how sweet, fair too. you hit your boyfriend, he hits back and you get a restraining order on him. nice.
It's good advice from 1acarol.
I notice JimmyCal who has left 5 comments on this subject (including the one above) has no other activity on this site, I'm assuming it's the boyfriend who's been showed the comments by the victim.
All violence is wrong, but that "rule" that men don't hit women is real. If a male hits a female he isn't any kind of man.
one thing i will say. do not do the things you wiuld not lije to do to yourself. you may be comfortable for him to go through you phone. you may be comfortable for him to question your trust when he sees a man txing you babe and smacking the phone to your chest. you wouldnt like yhat. dont take a man for granted especially if hes much stronger than you coause they're women out there that can brukup a man trust me.
However for your boyfriend to shiw such aggression and even had the nerve to punch up your car leaving dents that was meant for you is sick. personal i couldnt sleep next to anyone that did that to me. the cops would be arresting his ass. theres no respect no trust why bother. yiu obviously need some therapy not to disrespect you in any shape or form. i have had therapy to learn to respect and love my self. you must talk to someone professional.
a nan can only do that to you if you allow him and if you are insecure and have the codependancy syndrome then yiu definitely need to talk with someone.
im talking from my own experience. you must have choices and options and expectations. your worthy your beautiful and you deserve better.
I agree with jimmycal a little. Sure if she hits you hit back but if the beatings continue without the women hitting first call someone and get help.
Mate are you out of your mind she doesn't have the right to hit when he is asleep.
Say you were walking down the street and a Women attacked from behind with a knife what would you do ? Would I defend myself or am I going to let a lady kill me . I'm a man so of course I would defend my self
Blaster123, are you fcking kidding. That was ABSOLUTELY NOT self defense. That was abuse. He needed to stand up, maybe hold her back, not beat the shit out of her. You need help. I totally agree with jfer88, though.
Yes,you hit him first,but what he did was way uncalled for. If he was defending himself against you that would be one thing,but he wasn't. Please trust your instincts on this one,you know what he did was not justified by you throwing the phone at him. Your boyfriend has serious issues that will only progress as your relationship progresses. Be smart and end this relationship before he does it again,but worse,you never know what could set him off the next time. He didn't hit you once and then stop(which still would be wrong)he continued to hit you and that means he beat you up. He is an abuser.
both of these people have serious issues. girls, don't hit your boyfriends. guys, when a girl hits you defend yourself and then leave immediately. then, go find a nice girl that doesn't hit.
If you find yourself in a situation with one of these abusive females, YES, always hit back. You want equality? Expect to get your ass smacked down when you start a fight.
Jim I'm the type to write articles on men's rights....that being said, I don't like when a female gets an abortion and the dad wants the baby. I don't like that when the dad keeps children he typically doesn't get alimony. It's unfair that they're treated because they are seen as aholes in society. And yes, women abuse men. But ask yourself..is it fair that you left so much more damage on her than she did you?
I believe in equality. Sounds like he was cheating on her, she hit him, he deserved to hit back, she could have went after him with a baseball bat (I would have, and have).
But that's not love, and they shouldn't stay together. It's over, whether they stay or not. A person who loves you would never wander, cheat, or hit, and you can never do any of those things to someone you love. If you love someone you wouldn't be able to stomach the idea of them being hurt in any way.
kitkat.
Is it fair than in most fights I've been to defend my own life an limb they left out more hurt than me?
Yes.
I don't hit back with girlfriends because I learned to fight by defending my life against people twice my size, there isn't middle term.
She tries to minimize and say she didn't hurt him, I had a girlfriend like that, she left me with black eyes and bruises all over.
She should leave him, for both their goods.
But the thing is, if you were a man you'd understand by now, if yous start a fight you can't complain about the state you are in. Gosh, men can't complain even if you don't start a fight.
uhmmm, that's a really messed up rule. oh, actually its not a rule (the law will back me up on that). defend yourself if necessary and then run like heck not looking back. find a real woman, real women don't hit.
You are so unmanly. If you think a girl throwing a phone at a guy is wrong, but a guy PUNCHING a girl isn't, you need to get a new brain (oh wait, you don't have one.). Regardless of laws, guys are stronger than girls. Also, he not only was cheating on her but he punched her. She had a right to be mad at him! He was cheating on her. Jimmy, you are simply just trying to blame this girl instead of letting that Idiot of a man (can't even call him that, he doesn't deserve it) get what he deserves.
she didnt throw the phone at him. guy or girl, dont hit if you dont want to be hit back.
well I think its not right to hit girls or guys but u should not hit a man but my boyfriend. hits me I don't. say nothing. cause Its my fault so solve it
Please take the Dick out of your mouth when u speak if a girl hits a man she gets hit back so what call the police on me frack it I should kill u for takeing my right to exsist in peace
freedom1537 You have serious self esteem issues. You are a pussy.
If you boyfriend hits you and you don't, then it's not your fault.
The only fault you have is being a sucker like me and not breaking up after the first hit and not hitting back.
you nid to leave dis guy.... first of all you wen u hit him it was'nt dat aggeresive the way he hit u.... n u hav a reason to hit him.... wat reason does he has....?
he is sendin random text to other gals... d thing wch u did ws absolutely right... u sud hv given him two more slaps.... n its realy pathetic to c a guy hitin a gal...
dear u nid to move on....:(
yeah, right, always the dude, no accountability for the girl right? way to go. i don't care what he did, she ought to get charged with assault and taught a lesson.
you are very funny bro, BUT NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are very funny bro, BUT NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jimmy is biased. Notice how he says he doesn't even care what the guy did? THE DUDE BEAT THIS GIRL UP. NO MATTER WHAT SHE DID, THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE. HE IS SUPPOSED TO CARE FOR HER, AND PROTECT HER AND HE PUNCHES HER?! Both of them might have been upset, but that doesn't excuse what he did. Grow up, get a life, and learn to be a man.
He should have put you down like a rabid dog, put his weight on your neck, and called the cops. If you choke out while waiting for them to come, good!
You are lucky to be alive. Don't hit men, you pig.
I girl hit me once at a bar. I caught er hand on her second swing, broke her finger back and twisted it off. I called the police and when they got their, I showed them my face.
She lied and said that I hit her. I showed the cops my video tape of the room we were in and she copped a felony. 30 days in jail and. Hope she got raped in the penn. Wish she got shanked. Bottom line, don't lie or be violent...unless you have to protect your body.
They arrested her. By the time she was out of jail, her car was gone. We had it towed to lot in the ghetto and left the windows down.
If he felt in feared for his life, you would be dead and deserving. Consider yourself lucky that you, the victimizer got off with suck an easy lesson.
The rule that men should never hit women went out the window a long time ago when equality was made standard. A man hits me? I will pound him until I am satisfied. A woman hits me? Expect the same. You want equal rights? Think how a man of your equal size attacking a much larger man would be dealt with.
HJIOyiyhgb you're screwed up in the head. I'd never wish rape on a woman or man, and I'd never twist someone's finger off for hitting me. I'm not sure whether you should be put in a mental institution or in jail.
Wow. It's amazing how many perverted creeps there are on the Internet. This is disgusting.
Clearly he's not the dude for you. Get another man who cares. Who protects his loved ones.
She deserved to hit him for the text. He deserved tof hit back. But I would have attacked with a baseball bat or tire iron after that. No one should be cheating or hitting anyone. I agree with equality, but bring it on.
clearly he has NO respect for YOU and YOUR property and is not a gentleman.Drunk or not no women should be treated like that by a man.and even tho it may be hard to part from him i probably is best,what all happened that night could have been alot serious and you could have been BADLY injured so it is probably safer for you to part from him. Wish you the best of best luck!
it really might help if she didn't hit, ya think? that's right, girls don't hit boys and boys hit girls back when girls assault them. wow! what a concept!
Pfft. She didn't attack him you jerk! She didn't even punch him! It didn't even hurt you idiot! How is that assaulting someone? It isn't.
Clearly she has no respect for him or his property and is not a lady. Drunk or not, no man should be treated like that by a woman. No lady will ever do violence to anyone, and no gentleman will ever do violence to anyone by definition.....remember, the rule is to never hit a lady, it is not to never hit a woman. big difference between a woman and a lady. If someone every strikes you, you should hit them back with all you have.
Remember, if you want equal rights you must be prepared for equals fights if you start shit.
I had the same happen to me a few times....without provocation other than disagreeing with what he had to say. So I figured if it was going to happen then game on (this is before I left him and dcided to seek help for my codependency). It is never right for a man to put his hands on a woman he is supposed to love, being drunk is just an excuse, it about power and control. Basically an insecure little boy throwing a fit and beating his chest....and yours to satisfy and sooth his insecurities. Leave him and get u better life, its out there!
Jimmycal, dracujin and okyokisjdh(uber demented vile person further up the link). You guys would really hurt the partner you chose to be with and love? You would really be able to seriously batter bruise and injure a loved one bc she struck out with no intention or ability to actually hurt you?(dont get it twisted, I'm not saying its ok) you guys r the type of people that can and do hurt people smaller and more vulnerable then you and brag about it? Say they deserve it? Does it make u feel good and real proud of yourselves? BC if it does then I feel sorry for you. There r so many other ways to deal with someone of smaller stature especially a female. There's a special place reserved or people like u that feel powerful by hurting people smaller and weaker then you and personally for myself if I come across another person that thinks they can treat me as they please aka put their hands on me. They wont sleep near me.....ever bc I will have a base ball bat, a lok Inna sok and police on speed dial. I will accept my consequences if it means wiping that smirk off of a person like yours face. Have a good night fellas.
First don't feel bad and you should leave him he sounds like a real jerk. Don't feel to bad about hitting him first because you were both drunk. But he took it to far with hitting you even more. I think he would've gotten sober after the first time he hit you. Second I don't really think he thinks he did anything wrong because he also said it was your fault for hitting him first. That being said you need to dump him, contact the police, get a restraining order, and change all of your contact info.
Is it a law to "not hurt women" :D hahahahahah
Well then....
1. He was cheating.
2. You didn't leave a bruise on him, and you didnt hit out off anger, you were hurt. Men hit out of anger and that's what makes it so much worse.
3. Dont believe his excuses because if he's hit you once he's just going to do it again.
You both need alcohol counseling to begin with. Yu can't really assess your action under the influence. Second, both of you stop hitting. Sounds to me like you have some kind or weird codependency going on emotionally and you are both in slfddddfb
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I've been exactly where you are. 4 years ago i dated aguy i always had a crush on,ended up cheatin, told him either get ovr it nd stay with me or leavs me...put up with getting beat for 3 years no1 had me there but Myelf bt it was better than my original home smh...a man knows what he's doing drunkor not. a real man wouldn't have done that. Youre the only one who knows when u had enough