I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, since I was 17. Things were great at the start but as we were young we made a few bad decision that hurt each other and caused us both to completely lose trust in one another. We put everything behind us and have continued our relationship but I noticed things for me changed, I feel less attracted to him, less like I want to be around him or need him, less like I love him. I care about him so much and am afraid to tell him how I feel. I have tried multiple times and I think he knows how I'm feeling but doesnt want it to be true. I know he loves me and wants to be with me. I feel like it's unfair to stay with him if I feel this way but im also scared of making a mistake. I want him in my life but he is getting to the age he wants to get serious but I'm not there with him. I don't know what I'm doing im scared im wasting his time. I'm so confused! has anyone been in this situation? I need advice!
I don't know if I want to be in my relationship anymore! What should I do?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by annemarie33
- Topics:
- love, boyfriend, relationship, decision, relationships, break up
Responses (1)
You are still very young. It's understandable that you're afraid to let go of something you've put so much effort into but you are also very astute and aware of your own feelings. You admit that you've lost some feelings for this guy and he's feeling your distance. In my opinion and experience- I'm more than twice you age plus a decade (54) and have gone through exactly what you are now- a few times, and the best for you and him, is for you to move forward in your life. There's no reason you can't remain friends but it will take work-probably up to a year-depending on how upset he'll be when you break things off. You deserve to explore the world with an open heart and mind. Five years is a long time to be with someone no matter how old a person is but it's even more significant when you were so young. But with the way you're feeling now, you deserve to start fresh and discover new people, places, and eventually, love again. Good luck with your decision. I hope you post back to let us know how you're doing!
You only think you'll be lonely. You'll be fine. You'll begin to discover new people-guys and girls. I don't know if you have a 'best friend' or not. I had a best friend at the time-he was a few years older. I leaned heavily on him thru a few break ups. To the point that with one of them, he got a bit frustrated and said, "jeez, you know I've seen you more than I've seen my girlfriend lately! I need some time with her too you know," so I said, "of course!" Then I tagged along on their outings, lol! Bit you'll likely need to lean a bit on someone at the beginning of your breakup but you'll be ok. It won't take long. If you need to lean on me here, let me know, I'll be here for you. I've got kids your age and we talk a lot too. And I'm not SO old that I don't recall how you're feeling! Just take a breath, think out what you want to say, don't let him interrupt you, tell him to come over (breakups by you should be done on your "turf"), say what you want to say, don't let him interrupt and at the end,tell him you want to stay friends because of the stuff you've shared but that it'll be up to his behavior as to whether the relationship can evolve towards a healthy friendship. Then give him a quick hug (optional), and quickly exit. I would do it either at your home, on your steps, in his car; make sure it's stopped and engine is off. Even better is if he'd take the keys out of the ignition. He'll try to talk and beg you for another chance, etc. you know his patterns best. Just tell him you don't want to talk anymore about it, your mind is made up. When you do break up, make sure your family knows. And if you do it in his car, make sure someone is home and watching out for you because he might not take it well and no one knows how he'll react if he thinks it's really over. Be careful, is all I'm saying. You say that you don't want to add to his misery: what about your misery if your have to stay? So just set a date in your mind and that's the day ok? Just make sure you do what I've already said ok? Good luck and don't put it off any longer.
Regards,
Cc
I think you are right, I just keep making excuses to stay. It's been me and him for so long Im scared of being lonely. When I have tried to say something in the past I get lost for words and struggle to express my feelings. He is also good at turning me around and convincing me things will get better, but they never do. Seperating from someone you have shared so much of your life with is so difficult, especially when you once thought you could be with that person forever. What makes it worse is he has been so stressed about work issues and his future that I don't want to make his life worse. He always tells me I am the most important thing in his life. Im scared about him being unhappy.