I don't think that I am unhappy, although I do have chronic depression. I blame a lot of things on other people and honestly don't think anything is my fault, but it probably is. People are starting to hate me. I feel lonely and I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me because I set too high of standards for him while he sets none for me. It seems like I always say the wrong thing and I think a situation is a million times worse than it actually is. Often, I go an entire day and I can't even remember what I did. I feel like anything can try and hurt me but it won't matter because I won't feel it. While people on the other hand, hurt me more than I think is possible. I'm not on any drugs at all, but I don't feel sane. I feel like I'm numb to the world. I could die and no one would really truly miss me. They ask me how I am, but they don't truly care. They don't really want to know. I just almost feel like life is an out of body experience and I often have moments where I blank out for 1-5 seconds but still log anything that happens in my brain but I have to ask myself what just happened, or where am I? It's a weird sensation, but it's only gotten worse since I've gotten older. I was wondering if anyone else feels similar to any of these things. It's almost like I go into a "zombie mode." If you do please share, I need help. I am taking depression medication, but it is not strong, and I feel as though it is not helping so I am getting off of it myself, not my doctor's orders. What do you think of all of this? Am I actually experiencing a real thing?