I'm finding school really tough. I haven't got any friends in school, and I'm too shy to attempt to talk to others. I have been depressed since my second year in secondary school. I had friends at that point but I never got to see them because I was moved down a class. This made me feel horrible. I often heard them talking about me behind my back, calling me a bitch and saying I had turned into a bitch when I hadn't given them what they wanted. I got past my 2nd year in secondary school and eventually when I was in my third year of school got moved up a class again. When I got into that class I was with all the people I considered my friends and it was great for a while. I started to feel lonely in school. When I was in my friend group I didn't really feel like I should have been. Then I decided to stop talking to them because as a group I didn't really fit in with the way they acted. Then I started to take anxiety attacks. Everyday I would walk into school into every class and start to panic. I had nobody and I did it to myself. I'm now half way through my fourth year and I feel horrible. I have started acting differently. I feel alot angrier and more depressed. I have started to not appear at school and when I do I don't learn as I mentally cannot pay attention. I was taking a panic attack in the middle of a test a couple of days ago and I started taking a panic attack. I hadn't learnt anything on the test because I had missed so many days of school. So I walked out of school and went home. I know I need to go to school to learn but physically and mentally I can't do anything about it. I have started freaking out before I go to school now. I either go in a couple hours late or don't show up at all because of this. My mum gets stressed because I do this and I hate hurting her like that. I just feel like I can't go in. My hand and arm is covered in scars as I pick my skin when I get stressed. I don't really mind doing it because I can't physically feel it, but it does help relieve pressure in my chest. My mum however doesn't like this. I know I need to stop but I don't really notice when I do it. I should be in school right now and I stayed off without my mothers consent. I feel extremely guilty, but I have started doing this more often. Please help.
Responses (9)
It stresses my mum out to listen to my problems because it makes her feel like a failure, so I try to avoid talking to my mum. My dad is always on the accordion and whenever I try to talk to him he gets frustrated.
Friends if u have any? I don't know i've told you everything i know. Sorry
Don't have any friends. Thanks anyway!
You dont need school at this point you are learning nothing.
You dont need friends at this point when you had them you found excuses for not fiting in. You need to focus on mental health not boring so called friends with your depression and mental issues. Stop finding excuses!
You need hospitalization and some serious therapy.
You dont need school at this point you are learning nothing.
You dont need friends at this point when you had them you found excuses for not fiting in. You need to focus on mental health not boring so called friends with your depression and mental issues. Stop finding excuses!
You need hospitalization and some serious therapy.
Firstly, thank you for being open like this, it must be really hard for you and you are being massively brave for doing this.
Next, I feel as though I need to point out that I am a teacher so I hope I can give you some helpful advice.
I hope what I am about to say helps. You are not alone. I know it might feel like you are, but you are by no means the only person to go through this. The other week I got my entire class to stand up and asked them to raise their hands if they have ever felt like they are not good enough or worthless. Every single hand went up. I thought about this, if every student in this one class raised their hand there must be millions of other students around the world who feel the same way.
What I said to the class after this, and I am saying the same to you now, you are not worthless, you are good enough. Actually I take that back, you are more than good enough, you can do anything you put your mind to.
Now, some ideas about how we can get you back into school and learning.
Make the decision right now that you want to get back into school. That you want to learn and you are willing to do anything you can to do so.
I don't know what you have tried yet, but here are some ideas.
Sit near the people you want to be friends with. These people should have similar interests to you. Also they should be the type of people who will treat you in the way you deserve. (That is, they treat you as though you are one of the most important important people in their lives.) Just by sitting near these people you will be opening yourself up to opportunities to talk to them and it will give them the chance to get to know you with out the pressure of you having to start up a conversation. It should happen naturally, but it may take a little time. Don't give up.
If this doesn't help, ask the powers that be if you can move to another class. You might find this helps to have a different group of people around you.
For your anxiety, when you start to feel this way, take a brief moment to breath, breath deeply and do it a few times.
For the depressed feelings, I can't help you, in fact I wouldn't dare as I don't have the knowledge to do so. I would suggest you go see a doctor about this and your anxiety. You may have a mental illness. This is nothing to be concerned about, in fact by knowing if you do will help you and your parents and give you a way forward. Do not feel as though this is a bad thing, the majority of people will at some point either be effected by one or have one themselves. (I myself have a mother with a mental illness.) Think of it this way, if you have something wrong with your heart or a broken bone you would go see a doctor. A mental illness is simply you mind not being well.
Of course you might not have one, but I would definitely recommend that you at least check it out and don't be ashamed about it if you do. There is no shame in it.
With regard to your parents, it sounds like they both are worried about you, but I imagine they don't know what to do. Remember they are both human. I would suggest the three of you sit down and have a talk. Before you do write a list of what you wish to say. Make sure this is a time where none of you have to rush off to do something. If you all can't do this for whatever reason. You might try writing a note to your parents. This will give you the chance to say what you want without being interrupted or loosing track of what you want to say.
Overall, I feel you need to focus on getting yourself right first. There appears to be a much deeper issue. Once you get yourself sorted, and do not rush this process, then you can focus on your education.
Finally, and this might seem odd, but I will be praying for you. I can only imagine what you are going through.
I hope I haven't rambled on too long, I may have come across fairly bluntly, but I wish to see you become the best version of who you are. I hope I have helped.
I keep going through phases were I go to school but fairly recently I have just started to sleep through school. I never ask my parents if I can stay off which I know is really bad but I literally can't help it. I just stay off school whenever I feel like I can't cope and this has obviously made me fall behind in all my subjects. I have already decided what I want to do with my life and what course I want to do in tech. However I need a 'B' in four subjects to actually do this course. I have high expectations for myself but I never actually put the work in because I find school only gets worse from here on out. Whenever I actually go to school I always end up going in an hour and a half late which is bad because I generally have English first thing in the morning, and most work places need good grades in English and Maths. I lack the motivation to get myself into school and because I have such high expectations I honestly need to. I understand my parents are getting stressed and worried which is why I can't talk to them because they get so stressed and they always end up making me feel guilty although they do not realise this. As far as friends go I tried a few times to get friends but it's really hard to find a person who isn't rude or judgemental nowadays, or at least in my school. I appreciate you trying to help me thank-you so much.
It sounds as though you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Pressure to be "perfect" perhaps, pressure to do well, pressure to meet everyones expectations of you, pressure to meet your own expectations. Try to relax a bit more about it. I totally get that you have these plans of what you want to do when you graduate and they are great plans to have, but you need to give yourself a break too. Give yourself permission to not be perfect, embrace the good parts of you. If you do your best, that's all anyone can ask of you.
Remember, if for some reason you don't achieve the grades you need, there are always other ways to get into the course you want.
As an example, I knew that I was going to be a teacher, however I didn't get the grades I needed. So instead of going into teaching, I ended up studying drama and film for three years. These were great years in my life and my grades were not taken into consideration, rather a short "audition," if you can call it that.
After I did the course, I went and worked in a friends factory for three or so years.
I then go tired of this and I decided I would have another crack at getting into teaching. Whilst the dream looked further away then it had ever been, I still held on to my dream.
I was finally accepted into teaching, six years after I thought I would have gone in. Looking back I realise know, I wasn't ready to teach straight out of school, I needed this time to grow as a person.
Even now, my fourth year out, I am yet to gain a full time job, but I have been able to work in schools as a relief teacher and these are some of the single best experiences of my life.
I guess what I am trying to say is, be strong, if things don't work out the way you imagine, but you are meant to do this, you will get there eventually.
Keep going.
One final point, especially when it comes to friendships at school. Do you think changing schools would help you or do you feel as though the students at a new school would treat you in the same way? I ask this, because it might be worth considering looking at a new school where you can thrive.
I've kinda always put expectations on myself and I never really fulfil them but I find it hard not to be hard on myself. I literally hate myself because I can't do anything I set myself out to do and just in general don't like who I am. Setting targets is something I've always done and it always makes me hate myself even more when I can't do it, but yet, I still do it. I asked my parents if I could join a new school and they had considered it for a while but it would've costed about £25 a week on a bus. It's too expensive and the only school that is a walking distance away is the one I'm at. I'm in my fourth year of school as well so even if it was an option they'd probably want me to stick it out for another school year because that's when I can finally leave and go to tech.
Alright, so if setting targets is something that makes you hate yourself when you don’t accomplish them. I am issuing you with a challenge. For the rest of this week you are to make no targets or goals for yourself. You will need to keep going on with life and you are welcome to do things, but no goals. No trying to workout what you are going to do in the future. If something comes up during the week which you want to do and you can, by all means go for it, do it. But you are not allowed to put expectations on yourself, if you feel yourself starting to think that you are placing any expectation on yourself, no matter if it’s a big one or a small one, you need to stop yourself.
So changing school isn’t an option... how long do you have left of the school year? (Each country seems to start at various times throughout the year.)
Now to focus on the big issue here. You hate yourself. You hate yourself because you claim you can’t do anything you set your mind to and just generally don’t like who you are.
As we are not setting goals this week, I am not focusing on this part. (Although you did set out to get help and you have accomplished this, so...)
I am concerned that you say you don’t like yourself. I do not believe that you hate everything about you. So time for your second challenge of the week. Write a list of 10 things that you love about yourself and why. It has to be about you personally, whether physical, emotional or mentally, nothing can be about materialistic things. So no, I like where I live because it has an awesome view. This won’t cut it.
Once you have done this and you start to feel this self loathing you have, you are to go over this list and read it, out loud if the situation permits. (Don’t do it loudly in class. This could inadvertently make things worse.)
My final point, I feel as though I have gotten to know you a little recently, I don’t hate you. In fact I wish only the best for you.
pray for me also i need it
pray for me as well i need it
Done!
I go through this exact same thing. I'm in college and all through my secondary school years I've beem skipping and carried on skipping even until now but I do well in exams because I study on my own in the mornings when I'm supposed to be in school. I have zero friends and I think school is a waste of my time. I just go because I'm forced to. I get so depressed and I hurt myself because I hate going to school. My attendance is obviously very poor and I frequently get into trouble for that so I try to show up at least twice a week but it's to painful to go so I just get drunk or smoke weed before I go so I'm high and I don't know shit thats happening. What I'm really trying to say is, don't get to my level where you feel there is no escape other than taking drugs. So please see a doctor or just talk to someone you trust,anyone(!!) and let all your feelings and thoughts out and they would help you find a solution to this. Perhaps you could get a private tutor or maybe some other solution. Good luck! You will do well. Just go for it!! :-)
i do suffer from the same anxiety and cant make it to go to school . i visited a physcologist and she then analysed my problem. i think you r suffering from the same problem which is having low self-esteem or having no self confidence, but the only way to cure it is going to school it helps .i know how hard it is to go to school specially when u have no friends but try making friends atleast one .i hope it helps
Hiya. I've actually finished school now and my anxiety is near none existent now. Thank you for replying. If you are still having bad anxiety, I suggest you take up an instrument. You won't be happy going into school until you are able to be happy at home, and music had helped me enormously because at the time my counsellor ended up abandoning me. But really, the thing that will be most helpful is loving yourself regardless of whether or not you have friends. I can admit I've become rather vain over the past year, but I feel that in this life, you should be overconfident rather than feeling depressed because you have no friends to love you. Live with the mentality that you are the best person to have walked the planet, and it will 100% help you! :) Wish you the best, and hope life treats you kindly! :)
This is exactly how I've been feeling. I'm in the 8th grade and most of my so-called friends left me because they're embarrassed to be around me. I always get so anxious when I have to go to school, or think about school. I break down and begin to cry because I have no other options. It's 50% of not being accepted and 50% of just my anxiety telling me to give up. I have 6 months left of school and I don't even know how to get through this. My school counselor and my father keep telling me to push through but whenever I go to this school I feel physically get sick and I have trouble breathing. I don't know how I'm supposed to learn if I can't ignore anything, and I don't understand why my counselor isn't giving me alternative choices. I can't miss anymore school days, because the truancy people called my mom, and truancy is a really big deal. I'm just so impatient - I can't focus, either.
Girl I feel you.
I've met fake bitches so far.
2years ago when I stared secondary school, I used to have friends. Basically
I had friends for about 1 and half yr, then I started being lonely.
Then I started hanging out with my ''friends'' for few months, and just Now
I got rejected one more more time, but now I have NOBODY and I literally mean 100%
NOBODY .
I just don't get it, I'm always nice and kind to everyone.
I have no idea how I got to the point that I'm bullied because I've NEVER hurt anyone.
I've got anxiety, I panic in the mornings, I don't want to go to school.
Day by day my anxiety is growing, I walk alone, my old ''friends'' looking at me,
even those who weren't bad bitches are just looking at me,
not getting bothered to talk to me.
They already have their ''squads''.
I'm not surprised, since the whole rejections, people treating me like shit I've
got to the point I'm closed and I hardly ever trust anyone.
I began to feel ugly, so now I'm like really tight.
I began to loose my confidence, and I'm now really shy.
I feel insecure just walking. I always cover my face and walk as quick as I could .
everyone thinks so low of me
like I'm quiet and shy and ''I cannot talk''.
When I say something people say ''wow she can talk''....
pisses me off...
Like why should I talk to you when all you want to do is make fun of me.
I hate the ''get in pair of 2'' thing. I'm always left out, standing like a looser.
I hate PE. Everyone's looking at me, whenever I have to run, do squad, people laugh at me.
my Lunchtime takes place in toilet.
I close myself inside and mostly Cry and Cut myself.
I'm not cutting myself anymore tho, it's not worth the ugly scares because of
these jerk people.
Just know, you're not alone.
I'm currently trying to change something, I think about going back to my country because I originally lived in Poland, I had a LOT of friends there, I still have conctacs with few of my best ones. I just can't do this anymore, everyday I wake up and wish the day was over. I cry everyday, becuase of how horrible my life is.
Just do something with it.
Try to move schools, even tho I tried but I'm too insecure.
I'm scared of new disappointments and getting even more hurt.
But What I tell you, change it. Like I'm trying to do it rn.
remember you 're not alone.
also focus on yourself,
Educate and be successful in life, not like these whores.
Be better and clever .
Have good future .
My suggestion to you is to get hospitalized on a psych unit for 6 weeks. Attend intensive group and
individual therapy sessions daily and take the medication prescribed.
You have issues, a lot of which you have created yourself, a lot of which you use for excuses and a lot you do absolutely nothing about.
Its time to face the issues, do the work, commit to being successful and stop whining. Tell your parents what you need, ask for psychiatric help, and work with the doctor.
I've told my parents and my teachers everything. I see a counsellor once a week and it isn't really helping, and my teachers have kinda give up on me. My parents know I get stressed and depressed but they know I have to go to school to actually get somewhere in my life. So I honestly don't know what else to do.