... yes I work and pay my bills but to be completely honest I feel like I'm a living corpse and I feel like this 24/7 yes I work and give it my all I talk and smile at my co workers but I feel so fake because I feel like I'm lying to them and I honestly don't understand why I feel like this why I can't move on from this especially on my own I know I need help but I'm too ashamed, embarrassed to ask for help so I act like I am fine when in reality I am not! Drinks do not help it makes it worst and easier for me to say goodbye. I remember one night I was at work and decided to drink with my co worker I got so drunk I blacked out. One of my co workers drove me home and I had thought I went straight to sleep as soon as I got home but that wasn't the case my brother told me different he said I want it to leave as soon as I got there and that I end it up in the room with my mother and she was telling me to go to sleep and I said I can't sleep so I took a lot of sleeping pills. When I woke up I had cuts on my wrist I guess I cut myself when I was alone and it scares me because I feel like one day I can end my life because of being drunk and it makes it so easier not to care about what happens after. It is selfish to end your life because right now I'm just thinking about myself and no one else not even my family and friends just me because I want to end feeling like this I feel like a robot. I used to be depressed when I was in school and I got counseling for it and prescription and then I was fine and I stop everything but maybe it has come back