Been together 2 years and are both 26. We have hurt each other as much as we've made each other happy. I have difficulty trying to get her to understand that we BOTH need to make changes for this to work and that its not just my flaws (argumentative, sensitive, aggressive) that will help us. I am working so hard to better myself by getting counsellong, quitting smoking and trying to manage my anger and insecurities but I feel she just sits there constantly judging my progress without looking into improving herself for us. I know we can be perfect for one another and great parents but she is so stubborn and only sees things her way. I've tried talking to her but she seems to only think the worst of us. I really want to be a great father and partner but it cant happen if she doesn't try for the same thing. She is now pregnant and wants to separate. I am heart broken because I care for so much but also am weary about whether or not anything can change. What should I do?
Responses (1)
I am very sorry for you. It sucks when you are trying so hard to better yourself but it still doesn't work out.
Sadly, if she wants out then the best thing for both of you is for her to leave. Persuading her to stay isn't going to change how she thinks and feels about you and the relationship - it will only make her resent you more for prolonging her frustration. If there are already so many problems after only 2 years, it will not get better from here. The first 2 years is the happiest phase - it only gets harder after that. You both would be working really hard and not getting much reward from it, so it really isn't worth it. It is better to end it now before it explodes in your face and you both end up hating each other. The best thing you can do is tell her you understand that she feels that way, and that you will support her decision. Express (only if it is true) that you would like to be in the baby's life if it is okay with her and that you promise to respect her boundaries either way.
Then, let go. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.
DON'T STOP BETTERING YOURSELF. What you are doing to improve your body and your life and who you are is amazing, and someone else out there will appreciate it and you will have a great relationship with them! Though right now you feel like you want to be with her, what you REALLY want is to be loved by someone you love. You can still have that with someone else, it just takes time. Now you are wiser and more experienced so it will be even better this time around! Take time to grieve, don't dwell on pointing fingers or blame, continue to see your counselor and to stay away from smoking - all these things will help you to be happy and will improve your next relationship. Good luck! I wish you the best!