I’m a 16 year old girl And I think my mum is getting domestically abused by my stepdad, he’s an alcoholic and argues with her every night, he will be horrible to her and is always putting her down, calling her names, telling her how much of a bad mum she is etc. He also calls me names and is constantly trying to put me down about myself, I know it doesn’t sound like much but she has not been happy for months now and has cried to me many times, we have had problems in the past between me and him and him and my mum and social services have been involved but now a few years later, it seems worse than ever, he is mentally unstable and has also tried to commit suicide and blame it on my mum, he will also force my mum to say certain things to me and my brother like how to behave, even when she disagrees with it. I know it sounds a bit pathetic but I’m really worried about my mum, I did message her a while ago saying that I don’t think she realises how much it’s effecting me and my brother and she said she’s talk to me about it but it’s been weeks and she hasn’t even bought it up. please someone tell me if this is serious or I’m just being stupid. She also has 2 other children with my step dad (1&3 years old) and my brothers 13, thy also bought a house together 2 years ago
How do I know if my mums being domestically abused and how can I help her?
- Posted:
- 3+ months ago by Jessica29
Responses (1)
So far what you've described is verbal and emotional abuse. The police don't come for those kind of calls. They figure the woman has the choice to put up with it or leave.
I understand this is your mom and what I'm going to tell you is probably not what you will want to hear. It's the truth, as tough as it sounds.
Abused women get so verbally beaten down they eventually believe it. There may be hidden threats such as if you talk to any one about this or call the police I'll harm the kids and tell the police you did it etc etc. So he scares her into keeping quiet.
Enough years of this makes her as psychologically damaged as he is. Abused women stay and don't leave and they have more children with the abuser and they buy houses with the abuser. They say but he loves me and says he's sorry. The hard truth is that there is not one thing you can do. She needs to be in therapy, she needs to take parenting classes, she needs to be aware what she is role modeling for her children - that it's okay for a man to treat a woman that way and that a woman should sit by and let him do it. She is in need of a lot of counseling and you are not trained to do it.
You need to take care of yourself and once you get out of college and get a job offer to let her come live with you. If you ever see bruises on her or the kids no matter how she says they got there, report him to childrens services.
There is no reasoning or logic that will work with your mom. It goes too deep for that and its too late.
I wish you the best and it wouldn't hurt for you to be in counseling either. You might learn some tip on when and how to report.