My boyfriend of 14 months (let’s call him John) and I live about an hour apart because we are both in school working on our 2nd degrees. Occasionally when either of us doesn’t have a busy week we drive to the others apartment and spend a night together. I drove to his place on Tuesday and all was okay. Then I couldn’t get on the internet and it was a little irritated because I needed to do some homework. I said it was fine and I would find time to do it when I got back to school and I put my computer away and started talking with his roommate’s girlfriend. John went to his room to do his homework.
About an hour later John comes out of his room and pulls my computer out of my back pack and starts tinkering with it. I think he was trying to get the internet to work which was sweet of him. About 15 min later he gets up and says, “What the F is this?” I walk over and he has my email (the old one that came with my Mac, I don’t use it anymore) up and apparently he was looking through my sent messages (I’ve never given him a reason to check my emails or texts or anything). The messages that angered him were between me and my ex of 9 years that’s currently serving in the military (we’ll call him Alex). The messages included some scantily clad photos of myself and John was enraged.
Alex and I dated when I was 18 for about 3 or 4 months. He would tell me I was fat and he would tell me that if I lost a few pounds he would think I was almost perfect. When I did lose some weight he would have me send him pictures and he would give me backhanded compliments. I put on a little weight and he dumped me. It really hurt me and I guess a little part of me still wanted him to see what he could've had.
When Alex contacted me last Spring he said he'd been looking at my facebook profile (before I made it unsearchable) and my pictures. He said I looked like I lost weight again. Then he said he wanted to see some more recent pictures. I said no at first, but then he started talking about how hard it was for him to be away from home and how scared he was. I still said no, but when he caught me off guard on the 20th he told me about his friend that died right in front of him and he said he was having trouble dealing with it. I asked what I could do to help and he requested pictures again. I said no and he begged and said they didn't have to be all the way in the buff. Then he said that I owed him for paying my phone bill one month before I got on my family plan. I felt like I did owe him. I was guilted into sending those pictures.
I know I’m in the wrong here and I know this is all my fault. After an hour of him yelling at me and me crying and begging him for another chance John broke up with me. I sent him an email after I got back to school explaining what happened. John sent me a text today saying that he would be willing to talk to me today at 5 while he was driving to class. I know what I did was wrong but I love him with all of my heart and I’ve never cheated on him before or after these emails. What should I do? I don’t know what to say to him to show him that I love him and to prove that I’m willing to do anything to save our relationship. Please help me.