Again, i couldn't sleep last night thinking about lots of things : about the math theories i learned in college today , about how unlucky i am in everything i ever did , about the new girl i met today , about what i'm going to play in the next guitar compitition , about how i felt embarrassed today when a friend made a joke of me but i had to accept it because that's what we do to each others always ... Mixed with anxiety and being worried about how late the time is and with a song that i couldn't get it outta my head ... Which made me again get up in the morning with only 3 hours of sleep . badly exhausted and with no will to do anything ...
That is the way i used to live for years ... I'm 20 years old . i didn't attend college last year because of that same reason when i said "maybe taking a break and enjoying life will change things ..." But what happend is that thing became even worse ... I just can't stop thinking about everything i see . i talk to my self more than i talk to peole . i live in an imaginary world . it's like i don't anymore exist in real life . i'm just afraid of sharing anything or even being the real me in front of people ... I always have the idea that every single word i say or anything i wild do will screw things up even more and make me look awkward and idiot in front of everyone .
Ok, my brain is so creative and smart . The way i live helped me to be good in everything i try to do . since i draw and play guitar and i study engineering . but also made me always tired . not able to get up in the morning so i have to miss my morning classes . completly destroyed my self comfidence ( i failed the driving test three times while i'm a really good driver) and made me think that in every thing i'm about to do ,even the most simple things , i'm going to fail in it . it even harmed my social life a lot ... I just find it so hard to give a good impression about me anymore .
I just can't take it, even smoking never helped. please help me control my life . because i'm about to fail in it