Hi, first I am a religious person and I have a strong relationship between God and I.
However, I'm frustrated how one major mistake I've done would cause such sadness in my daily life. This is what happened.

I am 21 years old now. Healthy and positive young man.
I've been attending to church every Sunday since I was born. I attend to a small church with about 40~50 people. The pastor was a great friend. He had 3 children (five now). Two daughters and one son.

When I was 13 or 14, one of the daughters was about 4 years old. I remember to this day that I have sexually touched her. All I did was I touched her V. I know this sounds crazy, and yes I know it is crazy, that is why sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to live. I didn't do more than that. This happened only twice I believe, and very short like 5 sec?

When I was about 18, with huge bravery I confessed what I've done to her father who is the pastor of the church (I still do attend to this day). He was shocked; however, he managed to forgive me which I still cry when I think of it. I've told my father because we are good buddies. He cried too how the pastor forgived me. Even today, sometimes I feel guilty to see his face, even though he's friendly to me. I'm cool with all of his children.

No one else knows. For me, I'm a type of a person that I need to speak to someone about my own mistakes. I've grown and taught to not have secrets with my parents atleast...I just couldn't speak to my mom about it, and my father said don't tell her because women's perspective in this case is different than men's.

I pray too, but I know I need to pray more.... I feel real bad about my past... and sometimes even if I have a perfect day,,, this one thing ruins my whole week... I don't know why this is keep coming back. And, I have to live with this big secret, rest of my life... it is painful...

Thanks for reading,,, I would like to know your "childhood" mistakes as well and how you survive with it.