I grew up witnessing my fathers emotional and physical abuse toward my mother until we left him when I was 12 years old (I am 16 now). Is witnessing this got anything to do with why I enjoy violence and chaos, have little to no empathy toward other people and get off on things involving blood, bruising and violence. idk, just when I watch a violent or disturbing film with my friends, they get all sad or cant look but I literally feel nothing. if anything, chaos and shouting and abuse is comforting or enjoyable for me. has my dad and upbringing messed me up for life? will I ever get to feel anything for another person or enjoy normal things without being called a sadistic freak:')